Thursday, December 31, 2009
It's almost 10pm on New Years Eve and what am I doing? Am I out celebrating with some friends? No. Am I with a special someone ready for that kiss at midnight? Nope. Am I at least with my family somewhere enjoying the night? Not at all.
So what could you be doing?
Thanks for asking! I'm sitting at home by myself blogging!
What?! Why are you doing that instead of out having a good time? Why aren't you drinking?
A'ha! I am drinking! I am drinking by myself at home! Doesn't that count for something? All day today my cell phone didn't vibrate... it didn't ring when I turned the ringer back on... it didn't make a peep. No one called or texted me to see what I was doing tonight. No one wanted to invite me to play some reindeer games...
So, when 2:30pm came around, I left work and made my way to the grocery store. There I bought some pizza rolls and beverages. I got home about 3:00pm. Yes, I live that close. Still I had heard nothing. My roommate was home getting ready for work. I thought to myself "that poor sap has to work on New Years!" and chuckled inside. I went to my room and decided to throw on a game of Madden 10. I played and when I was done I came back out. My cell phone still had not budged but for some reason, I kept checking it.
So, I said "fuck it" and made myself some pizza rolls and a drink. It was a rather large drink and had about a 50/50 alcohol ratio to whatever random non-alcohol drink I could find. This was sometime before 4:00pm. I went back to the room with my drink and my pizza rolls and played some more Madden 10 while drinking. I repeated this process over and over until it came around 7:00pm or so. I said "fuck it" again and just turned my phone off. It's been turned off for the past 3 hours or so. I figured why leave it on if no one bothers to call or text me. I don't want to get some random spam e-mail and my phone jingle... I'd jump to it to be sadly disappointed.
BTW: this is a very large cup I'm drinking out of and refilling every time it's empty... and I'm out of pizza rolls. :(
So, now not only am I blogging, but I'm drunk, too! WHOOPEE!
Now I have to figure out what this makes me to fall in such a predicament. There are three options:
1. I'm a loser.
2. People hate me.
3. No one gives a shit about me.
I'd like to think it's a nice 1/3 split between all three. I mean, I don't want to be a loser, I don't want people to hate me and I don't want people to not give a shit about me, but it is what it is. Am I really a loser that doesn't have any friends that would invite him out to New Years with them? Hmm...? Am I that much of an asshole that people hate me enough to just ignore me and try to forget me as much as possible? I did try out and was inches away from getting on the new Reality TV Show: America's Biggest Asshole before they stopped it's production. Does no one out there really care about me that they don't even care to see if or what I'm doing for the New Years celebration?
I'm really starting to feel pretty shitty... along with being drunk... right about now. I might turn my phone on in an hour or so just so I can send sarcastic asshole responses to any random text messages I get wishing me a "Happy New Year". If everything tends to go the way it's going right now, I probably won't get any, anyway. Sweet.
I've thought of some interesting New Year's Resolutions for this year. Should be fun. It'll probably just drive people farther away from me... running screaming into the forest or something...
Anyway, I'm Fnord and I'm drunk at home by myself on New Years Eve. I could probably say that I hope you have had a better NYE, but I'd be lying.
And to that girl that caught my heart and doesn't know quite what to do with it... I just don't know what to say. :(
I'm gonna go drink some more now and probably go have a cigarette. I'm kinda warm. Do you think it would be a bad idea to go outside with just sweat pants and a t-shirt? I'm gonna try it! Oh shit... I just remember I'm out of pizza rolls again... now it's just the alcohol! WOOHOO!
1. "Imma Let You Finish"
Kanye West, to country singer Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards
2. "Kobe Special"
Tiger Woods' rumored nickname for expensive jewelry bought to placate and angry wife, a tactic employed by L.A. Laker Kobe Bryant
3. "I'm no saint"
Silvio Berlusconi's response to sex allegations
4. "I am centaur"
Name of a Twitter feed inspired by Yankee Alex Rodriguez, who reportedly owns portraits of himself as half horse, half man
5. "One meal per day"
U.S. commander Stanley McChrystal's reported no-fuss diet to avoid sluggishness
6. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
Kane Moss' motto to maintain her slim frame
7. "I can has swine flu?"
America's first confirmed case of H1N1 in a house pet: an Iowa tabby
8. "All wee-weed up"
Barack Obama's description of end-of-the-summer legislative anxiety
9. "Doing God's work"
Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, on how he spends his time as a banker
10. "Keep f____ that chicken!"
Newscaster Ernie Anastos' bizarre, unprintable on-air gaffe
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I get no text messages anymore and that makes me sad. Will someone text me?
I ask her what's up,
but she just eats in her car.
Sometime's wrong with Beth.
Odd that Beth won't speak.
Odder that Beth is eating
I tap on the glass.
Beth smashes her face through it.
I call 911.
Why in the world is almost every movie have to involve love in some way? It's ridiculous! I went to see Avatar last night with a buddy of mine and with all of the sci-fi, action and visual image crap, there was still a love story involved! Basically, this movie was Dances With Wolves meets Aliens meets Jurassic Park. The movie wasn't the greatest. It was visually stimulating with all the colors and everything. The wild animals that were alien and strange were pretty cool. Michelle Rodriguez was in it wearing a white tank top... she's hot. I enjoyed the movie, though it was pretty long.
My only gripe is why does every movie have to involve love of some kind? I started to think back about the movies I've seen lately....
Avatar: human gets in fake alien body and falls in love with an alien
Sherlock Holmes: Rachael Mcwhatever is hot and Robert Downey Holmes loves her--so much sexual tension!
The Hangover: it's a batchelor party FOR A WEDDING! Plus the dentist falls in love with the stripper, doesn't he?!
All About Steve: old ass Sanda Bullock stalks Steve because she thinks she loves him
Carriers: two couples go around while everyone is infected... there is love within the couples
Secretary: S&M type of love
(500) Days of Summer: they say it's not a love story... but it is!
District 9: He loves his wife that he has to leave... but then he loves the aliens and helps them get away! (I know that's a far-fetched one)
Grace: she loves her zombie baby! plue there's lesbian love (and not the good kind!)
Funny People: he's gonna die, reunite with his true love... blah blah blah blah
This list could go on and on and on. With the exception of possibly Disctrict 9 on my list, every movie had a huge "love-factor" as I'm starting to call it. Seriously, can we get a movie without some mushy love crap?
This is the exact reason why I end blogs with Zombie Haiku!
Much to my surprise,
when I get to the office,
the place is empty.
When I call the boss,
he answers and screams at me
and then drops the phone.
Beth from accounting
is just sitting in her car
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Chronic fatigue syndrome is a condition of prolonged and severe tiredness or weariness (fatigue) that is not relieved by rest and is not directly caused by other conditions. To be diagnosed with this condition, your tiredness must be severe enough to decrease your ability to participate in ordinary activities by 50%.
Symptoms of CFS are similar to those of most common viral infections (muscle aches, headaches, fatigue). They come on with in a few hours or days and last for 6 months or more.
·Fatigue or tiredness, never experienced to this extend before (new onset), lasting 6 months and not relieved by bed rest
·Fatigue that is severe enough to restrict activity (serious fatigue develops with less than one-half of the exertion compared with before the illness)
·Fatigue lasting more than 24 hours after an amount of exercise that would normally be easily tolerated
·Feeling unrefreshed after sleeping an adequate amount of time
·Forgetfulness or other similar symptoms including difficulty concentrating, confusion, or irritability
·Headaches, different from previous headaches in quality, severity, or pattern
·Joint pain, often moving from join to joint (migratory arthralgias), without joint swelling or redness
·Lymph node tenderness in the neck or armpit
·Mild fever (101 degrees F or less)
·Muscle aches (myalgias)
·Muscle weakness, all over or multiple locations, not explained by any known disorder
Now, I am always tired with extreme fatigue. I can sleep 4 hours or 12 hours and I’m still exhausted every time I wake up. On a perfect day when I have nothing planned, I could literally stay in bed and even sleep all day. I always feel unrefreshed after sleeping any amount of time. When you talk about me and forgetfulness, we go hand-in-hand. I can’t seem to remember much of anything anymore! I do get headaches a lot. They tend to randomly come and go and they are very hard to get rid of. Every now and then my shoulders will ache and sometimes it’ll move to my knees or other joints. I do get muscle aches and weakness on occasion. All of these symptoms combined make me think this could be quite a possibility!
Now, I probably don’t have CFS, but I tend to find things sometimes and automatically think I have them. For a while, I thought I had a slight minor case of schizophrenia! How loopy is that?! When it comes to diseases of the mind, my thought is that everyone has these “crazy diseases” but the only thing that matters is if you are able to control them or not. Everyone’s a schizoid! :)
Last night wasn’t a good night for me. Because someone thinks I’m nothing but a liar, they are trying to decide whether or not to continue seeing/talking to me. Personally, I think there is something else and they are just trying to look for an excuse, but that’s just me. I’m not a liar and anyone that really knows me would tell you that. I tell the truth so often that most of the time people hate me for it. That’s probably why my list of friends gets shorter and shorter as my days go by. At one time in my life, long ago, I thought that I had something wrong with me where I pushed everyone that cared about me away. I don’t think that now. All I can say is “This is me, deal with it or leave” to those that can’t take my truthfulness. And for the record, forgetting to tell someone something is not lying. Saying that you don’t do something… then doing it months later is not lying. Four months ago, I said I was a smoker. Now, if I quit smoking right now, does that make me a liar? Highly doubtful.
I just don’t understand some things in life and I doubt I ever will. I will never know why a woman’s mind works the way that it works. I’ll never understand why some people think that all men or most of them are liars.
I feel like I’m about to lose or have already lost this amazing woman that I’ve been with for the past few months. She’s a blast to be with and I really have fallen for her. For circumstances that I can’t control, I can’t see her everyday and I’m okay with that. The times that I do see her or talk to her are the brightest moments of my small existence in this world. If she decided to not be with me or to “leave” then I have no choice but to be okay with it. I mean, what choice do I really have? Like I’ve said before, I can’t fight for something that I don’t completely have. I’d miss the hell out of her and my days would feel quite empty… like today does, but that’s something that I’ve learned in the past to live with.
I’m not looking for a sad story here, my heart has just grown quite cold over the years. It’s like everything that I’ve ever loved or cared about leaves or dies or just doesn’t treat me right. Maybe I don’t know what love is. Maybe to this day I have never really loved anyone or have them love me. Who knows? I sure don’t.
So, today I will spend the rest of my gloomy day at work. I will then retreat to my apartment after 4:30pm when I get out and I will probably watch a movie or play a video game to try and not think about the real world that surrounds me. Maybe X and I will go out to see Avatar tonight. Who knows? Well, until tomorrow, everyone have a super-fantastic day.
I miss you, baby. More than you can imagine. I don't know why you think such things about me, but I promise you they were meant in no harm. I hope you're doing okay.
And again at the end of my blog, the haiku runneth over…
are not playing any songs,
so I turn it off.
On the way to work,
I drive past lots of car wrecks
clogging up traffic.
A guy almost dies
stumbling onto the road.
Too drunk to walk straight.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I woke up this morning after hitting the snooze a little too much. I take a shower and get out to trim my beard. Now, the back story on my beard is that I usually keep facial hair of some sort because without it, I swear I look 14 years old. No man my age (29 now) wants to look like a 14 year old! So, I’ve been sporting a beard so far since it’s cold out and whatnot. I got out to trim my beard so I don’t look quite so homeless. I trimmed the right side of my face and my beard trimmer suddenly quit working. I thought maybe that it didn’t charge right or something. I plugged it back into the charger and tried to use it plugged in, but it just didn’t have the juice to do anything. I tried again and that’s when I noticed that the wire was broken, and by broken I mean the stupid cat chewed through it! Now, normally I would just be pissed and I would’ve just said “whatever” but I had some complications. My face was already half-trimmed. Half of my beard was trimmed and the other half was homeless looking. So, what else could I do but use my regular razor and shave it all off?! So, now I look like a 14 year old boy! DAMMIT!
I am the opener at work, which means I open the doors and get everything moving in the office. I’m the first one to arrive. When I get there at 7:00am, the phone is ringing. Now, this could be a doctor looking to speak to the staff or something, but it’s not. It’s some chick on the phone asking if her grandfather has an appointment this morning. This chick is calling on the back line where only other doctors and employees are supposed to call on. I tell her that no one is in the office this early and to call back after 9 when the office line is open. When I told her this, she gave me an attitude. She asked, “No one can tell me if he has an appointment?” What did I just say? NO ONE IS IN THE OFFICE! I found out that this chick’s mom used to work at the office or something. She thinks she has the right to use our backline and get special crap? Screw that! I don’t know her or whoever her family is that used to work here. They don’t work here now, so screw them!
I go to make the morning coffee so it can be fresh and ready for those that come in and I notice that there are 6 packages of coffee down there. Now, one of my duties at the office is to order the coffee and keep it where it needs to be kept. I used to keep the whole box of packages under the coffee pot, but they started to disappear, so we started keeping only 5 of them there with the spares in the drug closet with all of the drug samples. Seeing 6 packages of coffee means someone else is messing with my coffee! Dammit!
Now, I continue with my Monday and as usual Monday sucks. It’s too damn busy at this doctor’s office on Monday because all of the people that got sick over the weekend. It’s so busy that I don’t really get a chance to send a text message to that special girl that I’m nuts over. I did get to post a blog though in between patients! I thought she’d be proud of me for that. ;)
Then at lunch time, she texts me “Hey”. I respond saying “Hi” and then she says that maybe we should stop talking. This was way out of left field and sent me straight into shock. I didn’t know what was going on. Now, things were going on with her that made me think maybe she got back together with someone, which could always be a possibility. I mean, we are only seeing each other “casually” sort of. So, I figured that with the circumstances that have occurred, she had gotten back with the other dude. I would’ve been very bummed about this, but I could deal with that. I mean, it’s got a high chance of happening. That being said, he said that she had some strange feeling that something was up with me! We’re talking about me here! I don’t know if any of you actually know me… probably don’t… but I’m a man that says what’s on his mind. I’m someone that will tell you how it is even if it sucks. So, she says she has a feeling in her gut that something is up with me. I don’t even know how to take that. Nothing is up with me. Everything is the same with me (as boring as that sounds). If anything is up, it’s that I like her more. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it now. I love this woman. Something happened to her recently that sent her to the hospital. She’s now resting at home. I feel bad because I want to be there for her. I want to comfort her and be by her side but because of our circumstances, I can’t. So, if she wants to quit seeing me because I love her, then so be it. I won’t understand it, but I’ll deal with it. I don’t want to lose her. I love what I have with her and would give anything in the world to be with her. I don’t know what she’s feeling or thinking. I know she’s reading this… or will eventually. Nothing’s up with me, babe. I’m still me and I still adore the hell out of you. Your gut feeling is wrong, baby. I miss you and want nothing more than to be with you.
Now because of her having a feeling, I'm getting sick to my stomach. I want to leave work and go home. My stomach is bouncing off the walls and I feel like I want to vomit. She's going to take a nap now and I don't know what's happening. I hate not knowing things I should know... :(
I grab a quick meal
while skimming through the paper.
Death, death, death, comics.
Dodging eye contact
from my neighbor’s awkward stare,
I leave my nice house.
As I start my car,
my neighbor just keeps staring
and doesn’t wave back.
This year it was as if it wasn’t even a holiday. I didn’t have anyone to buy anything for that would let me. I didn’t have anything bought for me by someone else.
At work I bought my co-workers little $5-$10 gifts and that was fun. I got a thing or two from them, but that’s not the important part. I enjoyed getting them gifts. It was fun to have them say “You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!”
My roommate and I don’t ever buy anything for each other. It’s an unspoken thing, I guess. Three or so years ago, we used to exchange gifts. The past couple of years, I bought him something and he didn’t seem to appreciate it. He didn’t get me anything back in return either, not that it is important. Last year, I got him like a personal grooming kit because that’s all I see him doing (filing his nails and other weird things like that) while sitting on the couch in the living room. It’s been collecting dust for a year now in the bathroom. Guess he didn’t like that gift too much… lol
Last year I was dating someone and ended up spending close to if not more than grand on their Christmas. To say the least, she enjoyed everything she got. This year, I’m “seeing” someone but she told me NOT to get her a gift at all. I’ll admit, I was kinda bummed about this. I know it sounds crazy! I mean giving a new person that you’re seeing a gift and they don’t like it… it could RUIN everything! But I like to give things to the people I care about. I ordered her something anyway and I know she’ll like it! It’s small and really wasn’t a big thing, so I’m sure she’ll love it. ;)
So, to my 5 followers, do you know anyone like that? Someone that demands you get them nothing? lol How was everyone’s holidays?
And to the beautiful woman that I miss dearly, you know who you are, I’m sad that you had such a crappy holiday. I’m sorry that you’re sitting at home bored and in pain. I wish there was something I could do to help you in anyway. I feel useless and sad that I can’t do anything for you. I hope you get better soon and I’m gonna give you a big hug and kiss as soon as I can see you! ;)
where is it you have flown from?
Your name sounds Spanish.
My day starts off bad.
I’m running behind for work.
If I’m late, I’m dead.
Something on the news
about people acting odd,
so I switch to sports.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Anywho, I've finally figured out why I enjoy Zombie movies along with other horror movies. They almost never have a happy ending! For the longest time I was in search of movies without the sappy happy ending that almost all movies have. Then I came to the realization that Zombie movies almost NEVER have a happy ending! This is probably why I love them so much!
Does that make me not normal? Who is normal these days anyway? ha ha ha
So, yeah... other than zombies are just cool, I love movies with unhappy endings! Booyah!
The tree in the wind
slowly bends like a dancer,
dancing in the sky.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I've got my Insanity Workout DVDs in the mail! I'm super excited about those! I'm planning on starting those on Sunday. I feel sorry for my neighbors downstairs. I'll have to figure out a good time where it doesn't sound like I'm going to come crashing down through their ceiling! Super-stoked about starting these workouts though. That alongside me starting my old diet again, I'm gonna be dropping fat and gaining muscle in no-time. I did it once, I can do it again. I just need that motivation. I can't remember what motivated me before. I'm gonna have to just grow up and do it, dammit!
For those of you that read this and actually know me... I think there might be like 1 of you out there... you would know that I'm a fan of zombies. Or maybe you don't know and should know! Anyway, I've been getting back into them by watching horrible zombie movies and reading zombie books and everything. Yeah, I'm a big zombie dork. So what! Anyway, I was reading a zombie book and when I put it into a backpack that I own, I found a book called "Zombie Haiku" that I never finished! It's filled with just what it's called: zombie haiku! For example:
Joy! Magic exists!
An old dream of mine came true
and I think it's love.
That above is a Haiku. That's actually the first Haiku of the book. So, at the end of every single blog I do, I'm going to continue the Haiku that goes throughout the book! I know that you don't care, but I'm pretty excited!
I'll be going back to finish some education in January. I still don't know what I'm going to "major" in or focus on, but I'm going back. Since I work full-time, I'm probably going to only take about 2 night classes a semester, but I'm gonna knock it out. I'm going to go ahead and save up some dough to pay off the CLC bill I owe so I can add some credits that I actually have to make it quicker. Yeah me!
For those of you that aren't that special chick that I'm really digging lately, I'm still with her and loving every minute of it. She really is the most awesome chick that I've ever been with. She makes me happy and every moment we're together feels great. HEY YOU, You're great. :)
So, it's the holiday time. What does that mean for me? Nothing. All of my family is down in Texas, so I don't really "do" the holidays. I mean, last year I was dating someone and did the holiday thing with her and her family and it was pretty cool, but it's not a big deal if I do nothing. The one thing I still do and love doing in the holidays is getting gifts for the ones I care about. When I was younger, my family and I didn't have any money. I'd get little small gifts from my friends and other family members, but me and my mom didn't have any money to really spend on each other. Don't get me wrong, she bought me stuff from "Santa", but I wasn't stupid. I knew she probably spent more than she had, so when I could I just stopped her. I didn't want her to go broke for my enjoyment. lol So, one thing that I really try to keep enjoying about the holidays is my ability to buy something... even if it's just a small thing... for the ones that I care about. It makes me happy to know that I can buy these things. I know it must sound weird, but I'm a weird kid, dammit!
Okay, I think I've blogged enough for tonight. I'm sure I'll be back here in no time blogging and blabbering away. Maybe I'll have a topic that can bring in some responses?! Maybe I'll actually get more followers?! Who KNOWS what my future holds! Muwahahahahaha!
Sometimes rain is sad,
but after the time we shared,
rain can't pull me down.
Monday, December 7, 2009
So, maybe I won’t be able to update my blog everyday, but I am going to put some effort into it. Like today for instance. I'm blogging about not being able to blog and how right my special lady was about that. Yeah, I can admit I'm wrong on the very few times that I actually am wrong! :P
Since you are probably the only one reading this, I miss ya baby. I can't wait until we see each other again. I'm dying in anticipation to feel your lips... among other things. ;)
This was a short little blog about not being able to blog. Hell, I might post another blog later on today if I have time! That's two in one day! Does that mean that it excuses me from one of my missed days? It should!
Friday, November 27, 2009
I worked today on Black Friday at the doctor's office. I'm kinda glad because I didn't want to be out with the masses. Not that I'm afraid to get injured, cause I'm a pretty big and sturdy guy... It's just if I want something that someone else wants, I might have to get physical! I don't want to punch some old lady in the face! lol
My Black Friday was pretty calm at work. Not a whole lot of patients today. I was answering phones and though the patients always seem to want to annoy me, I mostly laughed my ass off at how stupid they are.
I am going to my normal Friday poker game this Black Friday. That's pretty exciting. I like playing poker and I like to think that I'm pretty good at it. I've been in a breaking even/losing slump for the past month or so, but I have a good feeling tonight. Hopefully, I can make some bank so I can show my lady a good time when she gets back from her trip. I miss ya, babe. ;)
That's my exciting Black Friday. Yeah, I know, pretty damn boring. Boring is how I roll, dammit! I'll probably go out tomorrow... does that mean it's Black Saturday? lol I do work in the morning from like 7:45am-11:45am. That kinda sucks, but then I can go home and take a nap! I LOVE ME SOME NAPS!
Okay, I'm gonna go eat some cheese pizza now and then I'm off to X's store and then off to Billy's for the poker.
PS: I've been thinking about you a lot lately, babe. Hope you're having a good time... just not a "real" good time. ;)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Really, I don't care. lol
I live in Illinois. My family lives in Texas. Everyone I know today is off with their family celebrating Thanksgiving. Well, almost everyone. There are a few stragglers. I should plan for next year to bring all the stragglers together for a feast at my place. What a good idea! I'll need someone to remember that for me. Stragglers Thanksgiving at my place next year.
I'm not sad that I don't get to really celebrate Thanksgiving. You see, most of my family down in Texas are completely insane. It's probably where I get my sometime scattered mind from. Damn genetics!
As I sat at home watching football today, I got hungry. I went online. Both Pizza Hut and Dominos were closed. I called China Star... it was closed. I thought I might be screwed! Then I realized that Jewel was open, so I went grocery shopping. I came back with more to drink than to eat, but I ate. I didn't eat a turkey with pumpkin pie and all that stuff. I ate normal day-to-day food. I didn't mind it. Football was on! 3 games today! I was stoked!
I even took a break from watching football to watch Home Alone... twice. Young McCauley was so good! lol
I am thankful for things though. I'm thankful that I have a job and don't work with "too many" idiots. I'm thankful that my car hasn't broken down and it's been almost a week! lol I'm thankful that I get to have fun with that special lady friend of mine. I'll take what I can get, baby. ;) I'm thankful for football, even though my fantasy football year is done with me in the Loser Bowl!
So... yeah. My friend Linda texted me and asked me what I was doing. She wasn't doing anything for Thanksgiving either because all of her family went away. She stayed here... not sure why. She invited me up to Round Lake to partake in the baking of cookies and watching a movie or something... but by the time she suggested this, it was too late. I told her she should've stayed down in the area when she was down here and we could've actually "went" to the movies. She said that she didn't think of that. Do you know she drove all the way from Round Lake to near me to LGH to bring her fiance a coffee. How nice is that?! I often wonder if anyone would ever do that for me. Hmm...
Anyway, today was Thanksgiving and it was nothing special. I work tomorrow at the doctor's office so I won't be in harms way during Black Friday. AND we're still playing poker! WOOHOO for the poker! Wish me luck so I can triple my money. I gotta save up so I can show my lady friend a good time when she gets back.
I hope for anyone reading this that they had a good Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
"I am Boris, I am Russian bear!"
And I said just that in my best Russian accent. I looked quite authentic. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. It is a little short, but it'll grow back.
I have found the best way to waste time at work.
I've never heard of this before. But it's quite awesome. If you like talking to random people as much as I do, you will love that website. GO THERE! BE FREE! PISS PEOPLE OFF! It's AMAZING!
My mental sanity now has a tether to latch onto. Thank the Lord! Now there's one less crazy out there on a rampage. ;)
It's the day before Thanksgiving. Black Wednesday. I want to go out drinking. Hopefully I can find others that want to do the same. Dammit.
At least I'll be getting a haircut today. I feel shaggy.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
First of all, no one really reads this blog. I have 5 followers and I doubt any of them actually read this. I only knew of one person that read this because she reminding me when I didn't blog. It was cute. Now, I hope that she quits reading my blog because they are probably going to go on a down slope.
We ended this thing that we had going for us tonight. She couldn't answer questions I had and thought we were "fighting" about things that I wasn't fighting about. She thought I wanted more out of us than we had and I didn't. I was very content with what we had until this past weekend. She started acting strange and distant. She was trying to get space in between us because she thinks that I want a "real relationship" and that I'm a "great guy" and "deserves one". Sure, I could go for a real relationship, but I didn't give a fuck about that. All I wanted was her, what part of her I could get, and it was like she didn't believe me.
I can't help for the fact that I had feelings for her that she probably couldn't give back. I'm gonna say it, I loved her. I still do. I was falling IN love with her. I told her before that there was only one flaw I saw in her and she knows what it was. I was completely truthful about that.
I think this was just another instance where me being completely truthful has come back to bite me in the ass.
I'm gonna get out the real dirt here. The last relationship I was in, I was in love with the girl. I could see myself married and growing old with her. I could see us with grandkids and being that old married couple that sends their plate back at the restaurant and bickers over the littlest things. We ended our relationship because she said I was pressuring her to be with me. I didn't understand what the hell that meant. I loved her and wanted nothing but the best for her. She was going away to school to Poland in six months and didn't know if she wanted to even attempt a long-distance relationship and she knew I did. When we ended, I was broken beyond belief. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was depressed and confused about a lot of things. I had pretty much figured that I would die alone with nobody to give a shit about me. When I found out that she was dating some douche bag the weekend after we broke up and less than a week later they had the labels of "boyfriend/girlfriend" it tore me apart. I was not only angry at her and myself, but the whole world. I was a fractured portion of what I could truly be. As far as I know the two of them are still together and she's been in Poland since August. He's still here in Chicago. What does that say about me? Was I not good enough to do a long-distance relationship with and he was? That made me feel like the lowest piece of shit in the world.
For the longest time afterwards, I had given up on just about anything. My working out disappeared. My goals of going back to school and actually getting the degree I know I can get vanished. I was a lost soul roaming the streets with a vacant look on my face. It took a long time to get over that and I don't think I ever really did until I got a random text message. Someone randomly texted me "Hi" and that struck up a conversation. It turned into more than that and she turned out to be this amazing woman. My life seemed to be turning another corner. I started working out right away. I signed up for classes for the next semester. I could see my future and it didn't look empty and dark. The little time that we had together was the best time of my life. She was so awesome that I had to rub my eyes and pinch myself daily to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
She's the whole reason I started this blog. In the last two or three weeks, I realized that I really cared about this woman. She joked about me "loving her" cause "everyone does" but I knew at that moment that I did. I would do anything for her. Isn't that what love is? She in an interesting situation that could be a long time before I could actually BE with her as much as I wanted. I knew this and I understood it. I was willing to put in the time and wait. I would've waited until I was old and senile if I had to. She is this amazing.
But now it's ended. We said goodbye. I told her the truth when I said that she will always be on my mind. I told her the truth when I said that I will always miss her. When I said goodbye, like the sensitive pussy I am, I actually got really sad. I don't cry. I've cried enough tears in my life that I'm completely out of them. But I could feel myself getting really upset. I went outside to have a cigarette and my hands were shaking. Not because of the cold, but because I just don't know what to do. I came back inside and she had texted back. "I'll miss u too... bye" is what she said. Why did she have to text that back? Why couldn't she just've said nothing or been a bitch about it. This made it hurt worse and for the first time in years... a lot of years, I actually lashed out in anger. Not at her. At myself. I don't know how many times I punched the wall, but my hand still hurts.
How could I be such a moron? Why couldn't I have just lied about the way I felt? I could've kept it hidden for so long and everything would've just gone smoothly by. I would still be very happy right now. Instead, I'm feel broken. My head hurts. I can't think straight. What the fuck is wrong with me? I've only known this girl for what... 2 months? Fuck me, this sucks. I really just want to say fuck you to everyone and disappear to some island in the middle of nowhere.
I hope she doesn't read this cause I'm not posting it to make her feel bad or guilty. I wouldn't want that at all. That would only make me feel worse. I'm posting this because I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Because of my past that I barely talk about, I keep most of my real self hidden and blocked from the world. This blog is now my only way to put what I'm truly feeling out there.
If you are reading this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you read this. I'm sorry for any guilt or bad feelings I ever caused you. I'm sorry for everything.
I'm just sorry.
I just realized that the worst part of all this is I'm going to have to wake up tomorrow and act like everything is fine and dandy. What I hate most in the world is putting on a false face and tomorrow I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to pretend like everything is roses and ice cream and I'm the happy-go-lucky son-of-a-bitch I have been for the past two months. That is going to hurt so goddamn much. Fuck.
I've realized that shit happens and when it does you just have to deal with it, fix it, and move on.
She came by on Friday and saw me for a couple of hours and I loved it. Sitting across the both from her at Rivals made my day. When she reached for my hand just to hold it, my heart beat fast and I had that flutter in my stomach. Those butterflies were working overtime. The next day I posted a blog that I think concerned her. Her demeanor changed and things seemed slightly odd. A week ago, she was thrilled at coming to my work holiday party and we even had a freakin' hilarious story to tell my coworkers on how we met. I don't know exactly what I said that made me rethink things, but she changed her mind about going to the work party. She said that she didn't think it was a good idea because she didn't want to mislead me. I don't know what she thought she would be misleading me to. I know the situation and I'm okay with that.
We are in a difficult situation with the distance between us along with some other things that makes it hard for us to see each other a lot. She said that sometimes I made her feel guilty for not seeing me as much as I wanted to her to see me, but I didn't do that on purpose. I would never want her to feel bad about anything with me. I know the situation and I don't expect things to change. I don't have some plan laid out in front of me with certain ideas of how life will go. I take the day as it comes. Carpe Diem. Live for the Day has been my motto for the longest time. If I decide to life for the day with her, is that a bad thing? I didn't think so.
I think maybe when we were texting and I hinted at the fact that I might actually love her... or when I said that in my blog a few days ago, that might've scared her a little. It might've made her shut down. But that wasn't the reason I said it. As I've said many times before, I'm an up-front kind of guy. I say it how I see it. If you look like a goddamn pig shoving food into your mouth, I'm gonna tell you that. If I think I'm falling for someone, I'm going to tell them that, too. I don't know if I love this girl, but I know that I love being with her and that's enough for me right now. Every moment we spend together lasts an eternity for me and it's filled with complete happiness. Now, the times that we are apart seem to stretch on for quite some time, but I don't just sit at home and ponder about her total existence. I don't just sit there and wait for the next time we can see each other hoping that it's the very next second. Sure, I love being with her. She's an amazing woman. Any man would love being with her. She's fun and smart and very easy on the eyes. I just hope something I texted her or blogged about didn't ruin the good that we had.
I'm okay with what we had/have. We were/are having a good time and that's really okay with me if that's all we have. If she has a change of heart and wants to move anything forward to different levels, that would be something to be looked upon at a future time. I wish I could say everything I want to say, but I promised to keep some things on the "down-low" here in my blog and I keep my promises.
I know you're reading this and I just want you to know that I do miss you. When I said "Hi" today and got the response back of "I'm having a really crappy day, i cant really talk right now, sorry.", I can admit I was slightly bummed. I love talking to you even if it's through text messages. I told you that everytime I hear that ringtone of yours or even if my phone just vibrates, I get excited just thinking it's you. I'm sorry that you're having a really crappy day and I hope that I didn't cause any of the crappiness. I hope that your day turns around and things start to flip to the good side for you. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here to help you or just be here for you if you need me.
On another note, an old friend of mine got his car totalled while it was parked in front of his house on the street. This guy used to be my best friend, but because of some forgetfullness and money issues, we parted ways. This of course puts our mutual friends in an awkward situation, but that's their problem to deal with. I heard about his car and I really did feel bad for the guy. I know that when I'm without a car, I feel like I lose control and am locked up with no options. I get "cabin fever" real quick. He said he deleted my number, but I didn't delete his. I texted him and told him that even though he probably still hates me, I could give him a lift somewhere if he needed it. I know his situation sucks and I can be there to help him if need be because that's the kind of guy I am. I was shocked when he actually texted back and we went back and forth a little bit. I even offered to use some of my free movie tickets on him! lol He doesn't read this because he doesn't know I have it, but I just wanted to put it out there.
It's interesting how some things happen that drive people apart or bring them back together.
Swani, I hope everything works out for you and I will be here if you need anything or just want to get out of your house. I know your parents can be pains sometimes and you just need that freedom. I'm willing to put aside our past problems and move forward.
And to my lady friend, I'm not sure what you're going through or thinking because you didn't tell me. I can only ponder on things. I've told you that I have an over-thinking problem and it tends to work overtime when I don't know things. I don't know if I love you, but I love being with you. I want you to know that. I don't have expectations beyond belief with you. I know what's what. I hope when you read this it finds you doing okay and you know my number. If you need anything or just want to talk, I'm here. I miss you. Also, this is Day 7! I full-filled my end of the bet! I told you I could blog straight for 7 days. I might keep on going with this day-after-day if I get the swing of things. ;)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Since my blog a few days ago, the woman that I'm totally infatuated with has been acting weird. Now, I keep thinking that maybe I shouldn't have said what I said in my blog. Things have been weird these past few days and she hasn't even texted me this morning like she usually does. :( This slightly saddens me because we had such a nice thing going. She said she doesn't know if she should go to my work holiday party because it would be weird and she doesn't want to mislead me. I don't even know what that means. A week ago she didn't think that way and we even came up with a make-believe way that we met that was freakin' hysterical. The whole 7-Day bet was going to end with her spending the night at my place on that day as well. Does this mean she's going back on her bet?! Shame shame!
I have a very strange work schedule this week. Monday (today) I get off at 3:45pm because I started at 7:15am. Tomorrow I work a half day of 7:45am-12:45pm. Wednesday we get out at 2:30pm because it's Thanksgiving Eve. I'm off Thursday for Thanksgiving itself. Friday I actually work a full day. And Saturday I work a half-day, too! This should be exciting for me, but it's not. I really don't have anything to do this week and since my family is all down in Texas, Thanksgiving doesn't really mean anything to me. Not looking for sympathy here, I'm just saying.
Other things that are happening...
I woke up this morning and it felt like I dislocated my right shoulder while I was sleeping. If you know me, you might just say "eh, whatever" but then you obviously don't know me well enough. It's my left shoulder that dislocates! So, why does my right shoulder hurt so bad? I'm stumped.
This weather outside isn't helping my gloom. Though I don't know exactly why I'm gloomy gus today anyway. My shoulders hurt. The weather outside is crappy. I don't know what's going on with this amazing chick I'm really diggin'. My car could die on me at anytime! (I'm so not confident in Manny's work!~) I'm ready to just take a nap.
I feel blah today. I wish something could happen that would brighten my day and cheer me up! :P
PS: And my Fantasy Football year is over. I sucked it off this year.... I have about a half percent chance of winning. Vince Young needs to be a beast and score over 50 points... what's the odds? :(
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The main reason that I bring this up is because yesterdays blog. I probably shouldn't have blogged that yesterday. I mean, things were/are going so well between me and my girl that I shouldn't have thought about it a little too much and over think things: therefore making me blog like an idiot. It made her feel guilty and give the thought that we should back things up or slow things down or something. I don't ever want to put those ideas in her head. If I had longer arms, I'd spank myself for yesterday's blog. But what's done is done.
Other things I think of when I think "I probably shouldn't have done that"
1. Meet anyone of LavaLife.
Do you know LavaLive? It's a phone chat thing. I got bored one day long ago and decided to give it a call. I, stupidly, ended up actually dishing out money to pay for minutes. I did meet one of the girls on there and it didn't turn out that well. I probably shouldn't have done that.
2. Date someone 7 years younger than me.
Sure, it can be fun. They are full of life and energy. They move fast and get excited for stupid things. They can probably be easily manipulated and you have easy access to ditch them when the time is needed. But they just aren't on the same level as me. They say that women mature faster than men. I say that's bullshit. I just happened to know what I wanted. She did not. Turned out bad.
3. Borrow money from a friend.
Yeah, I'm not good with remembering things all the time. I borrowed money from someone and it slipped my mind to pay him back promptly. This friendship is now ruined and done with. There will be no reconciliation. We won't be on Maury Povich running into each other's arms in forgiveness. He thinks I disrespected him by not paying him back. I think he's a moron for not asking for anything back.
4. Try and make a shake/rootbeer float out of different items.
I had chocolate ice cream, RC Cola, a Cake Batter Delux Cupcake, a fortune cookie, chocolate syrup, ice, and protein powder. Combine that all together and it does not taste good. At least I tried, right? Some would say that I ruined a perfect Cake Batter Delux Cupcake! ;)
5. Date someone off Craigslist.
This would be connected to #2, but I decided to give it a category alone. As much as I love cruising around the CL, it's not the greatest place to "pick up a chick". Yes, my ex was from CL. Obviously didn't turn out well because she is "my ex" as you read. I have talked to people "platonically" on there and they always want me to help them move. What the hell?! CL is going down hill and it won't be long before I stay off the CL for good!
6. Quit something that you know you're going to start again.
I quit smoking quite a few times for various of reasons. But everytime I quit, I quit for just the one reason, whichever it may be. And I know that if for some reason that thing changes, I will start again. I'm a smoker. People need to realize this and deal with it.
7. Be Facebook friends with co-workers
Now that I think about it, it probably wasn't the greatest idea. I'm a guy that likes to say what's on his mind. That is rarely a good thing. I've had Facebook updates that haven't been good for everyone to read. When my boss or some other co-worker sees these, they will probably look down upon me. I agree, it's time to cut ties between work and play.
8. Buy a used car from a friend or relative.
I bought my car from my buddy's dad. It has had 2 problems since then that needed to be fixed. Now normally, I would bring in my car to a place and probably over-pay and it would be fixed. Instead, my buddy's dad feels obligated to be the solution maker and I let him. It's more of a pain in the ass than losing money at a Pep Boys or something.
9. Play stupid way too much.
My motto in life is that if no one knows that you can do something, then they don't need to know until last possible moment. I play stupid and things get done for me. There are things that I could do on my car by myself, but I choose not to and then get stuck waiting for someone else to do it. In school, I sit there looking dumbfounded, but then get A's on all the assignments. I always like to let the other person explain things to me because it makes them feel like they are accomplishing something. When most of the time in reality I'm sitting there listening to someone babble on about things I already know. It can get quite annoying.
10. Do laundry not on your assigned day.
This is a funny story. It was Monday and for some reason I hadn't done laundry on Sunday like I was supposed to. I went down to the laundry room and saw who's day it was. They weren't doing laundry and they weren't even home. So, I said "fuck it" and put my laundry in. What happens next? They come home. I hear them go downstairs to the laundry room. I hear yelling. I go down there and they demand I take my clothes out. Yelling commences and they call the police on me. That's right. I get the police called on me for doing my laundry on their day! *GASP* My neighbors are idiots.
I'd love to hear things that you "shouldn't have done". Spread the joy. Let me hear your tales.
And for that special girl out there that's always reading my blog. You know who you are. ;) I miss ya, babe. I can't wait until I get to kiss those sexy lips again.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Right now at this very moment I have problems that are holding me back. I have issues that are holding me down. My car was purchased somewhere around a month ago. First it had a leak in the gas tank. It was fixed. Now something is wrong with either the battery or the starter. The guy I bought it from is my buddy's dad. He's going to come look at it on Sunday and try to figure out what's wrong with it. It started not working around Wednesday. I haven't had a car to do anything since then. I feel like I'm locked up here in my apartment. Without wheels beneath my feet, I feel like a prisoner in my own empty world. I can't do anything or go anywhere without the dependence of other people. For most of my life I've never had to depend on anyone. I've gotten what I want when I want by my own means. No one has been there in my life to assist me or give me anything.
You would think being an only child, I would be a spoiled brat. I remember my mother calling me a brat a lot, but never spoiled. I grew up as poor as I live today, if not more. I seem to barely get by month to month as I remember that to the be the same when I was younger. Nothing was ever handed to me. Anything I wanted I had to fight for.
I'm not blogging for sympathy or anything like that, I want to make that clear right now. What I blog about is what I think about, plain and simple.
Back on subject, my car is a piece of shit and I want to know why. Why must I have a piece of shit car? Is it so much to ask for something to go in the right direction in my life?
Another thing I'm worried about is this gorgeous woman I'm seeing. I can't stop thinking about her. I constantly want to kiss her and just be with her. But there are things that stop that from occurring. There are circumstances that I was forbidden to post here that hold our relationship back from the full potential of what it could be. As I sat across from her at Rivals Sports Bar last night in the booth, I gazed into her eyes and everything felt right. My heart pounded faster and the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't stop fluttering. I wanted to kiss her right then and there. I wanted to bring her back to my place... yeah... you'd like to hear the rest of what I wanted! PERVS!
Now, I've been told because of these circumstances, I'm only going to be able to see her like twice a month? That fucking sucks. Sorry for the bad language here, but it does. I mean, I don't know how she feels about me. Knowing my luck, she doesn't even like me. Maybe she's just going through the motions because she's bored with her current situation. All I know is that I think I may love this girl and our "situation" sucks.
I come to the strange question in my mind now as I've spent most of the day overthinking... Is it all worth it? I know it's too soon to really think about a far future from now, but what is the purpose of every relationship? I need to know what exactly we are in order to move forward in whatever we have. If this is just a fling or something not-so serious, I'm okay with that. If real actual feelings are involved, I'm okay with that, too. But what I want to know is what are we and what is this leading to? Is it too much for me to ask that?
I know she's going to read this blog. I can't help but wonder what her reaction will be. Hmm... I'll find out soon enough. I'm stuck right now. I'm stuck trying to figure out what we are and if I should just be happy with what I've got even though I want more. Will I ever get more or will I spend week after week... month after month... just wanting more. I'll never get used to that. I'll never want that.
I want my car to be fixed so I don't feel like a prisoner with no control. I want to know what me and Discordia are so that I can be okay with it and move forward. Is that too much to ask? Has karma finally bit me in the ass for something I did in the past? And if so, what was it?
The thing I hate the most is being frustrated and right now, I'm pretty goddamn frustrated.
Friday, November 20, 2009
At 12:15am, it seems I e-mailed myself to give myself 75% off of something. And I refer to myself as firstname.lastname@example.org. If I was me, I'd just give it to me for free!
At 1:32am, Viagra wanted me to know that performance is now free to try.
At 1:57am, Viagra told me to try ED meds absolutely free! Last I knew ED stood for Emergency Department...
At 3:34am, Viagra said that I could get the real pills for free! Instead of the fake ones for money?
At 3:40am, "Handyman services" wanted to ask me if I had a "Thingamajig on the fritz". I don't need no handyman talking about my thingamajig!
At 3:44am, Viagra wanted me to know that Paul got his free sample. Were they attempting to make me jealous?
At 3:49am, Phillip Degroote told me that his coat was warm and nice. That's kinda creepy.
At 4:16am, Viagra wanted to let me know that they had a free online site.
At 4:21am, Viagra wanted me to be rock hard 24/7. That might cause problems, I don't think I want to do that.
At 4:26am, Viagra wanted to let me know that my happiness was now free. Did someone charge me for my happiness before? I never got a bill!
At 4:48am, Viagra wanted me not to underestimate the value. Currently, I've got not problem in that department. Doesn't that mean it has no value to me?
At 5:02am, Reality TV Casting wanted to let me know about something at a McDonalds. Is there a new McDonalds Reality TV Show? Crazy!
At 5:31am, Viagra wants to give me some free samples. They are really trying to push this shit on me!
At 6:05am, someone wants to give me 60% off a car warranty! It's too bad I have a used car that is a piece of shit. No warranty.
At 7:14am, Viagra told me that they can turn me 21 again! I'm only 29 dammit! Why would I want to be 21 again? Do you remember 21 y/o me? SCARY!
At 7:59am, Viagra wants to know if I'm tired of being flaccid. I didn't know I was flaccid. I think I could name names of people that know I'm not flaccid! ;)
At 8:21am, seems like I e-mailed myself again. And again, I call myself joblessjosh. Seems fishy.
At 8:22am, I can get my monthly supply of Viagra for free! Now they are trying to get me a month supply! They really want me to get some.
At 8:25am, Viagra teamed up with Cialis to offer me the cheapest sex drugs online. Sex drugs sound like fun. lol
At 8:30am, Viagra tells me that I can rectify my manhood. I didn't even know my manhood wasn't doing well! What the hell? Why didn't my manhood tell me this?
At 8:59am, Viagra and Cialis wants me to "treat her tonight to rock hard pounding". I can do that without drugs! ;)
At 9:24am, I tried to contact myself again. Is this an alternate universe me?!
At 9:45am, Viagra tells me I can be rock hard all the time. Again, why would I want to be rock hard all the time? I need some non-rock hard time!
At 9:47am, someone named Eli says something about "and he who's been with her before"... That's just weird and I don't know any Eli except for Manning!
At 9:50am, Viagra tells me they they are unbelieveable, but true. I believe it, I just don't need it!
Still at 9:50am, someone is trying to help me reduce my debt. How do they even know I'm in debt? Am I in debt?
At 11:33am, Viagra tells me that they aren't about gimmicks. What kind of gimmicks do they need? Take a pill, get hard. Easy peasy.
At 11:41am, Viagra tells me about them having a free online site again. Maybe I should check it out?
So, in conclusion, what are these e-mails trying to tell me? Do I actually need Viagra and I don't know it? I know they are trying to give it to me! I've got a good record as of now, no one's complained yet! ;)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Day 2 in the Challenge will show us 24 hours in the life of Fnord… me. We will start on Wednesday 11/18 at 7pm and we will end on 11/19 at 7pm. Let’s take a look.
I put on a jumpsuit to get ready to go out and attempt to fix my piece of shit car. I am sad because my car quit working when I got out of work. I drove to Panda Express for lunch and it was fine. I got out of work and all I heard when I turned the key was *CLICK*. So, I take a bus home and change into my jumpsuit for not only warmth but so I can look like a mechanic as well!
God Bless the 8mm or 5/16ths wrench. As stupid as it sounds, my buddy X drives me back to work where my car is and does exactly what his dad told us. He takes out the wrench, tightens the bolt on the battery and the car starts. I’m as giddy as a school girl. I hang with him for a few minutes and can’t complain when he bums a cigarette… THIS TIME!
I talked to my babe on the phone. I love the sound of her voice. She’s so goddamn sexy. She’s started to tease me and poke fun a little bit more and it just attracts me more to her. She’s awesome and since my car is fixed, everything is great.
Turn on The Ultimate Fighter and watch a not-so-bad fight. I probably could’ve been better, but it was still enjoyable. I want Kimbo Slice to fight again, dammit!
Another reality show to watch. Real World/Road Rules Challenge is on and I like to watch drunken idiots, so I tune in. It’s a good one because there’s a drunken fight! Woohoo! I text my babe goodnight as she gets ready to go to sleep. She says that I “love” her. I’m not sure what to think about that one. ;)
I start to watch Pelham 123 because I just can’t fall asleep yet. This movie must be boring as hell, because this is second time I’ve tried watching it and I’ve fallen asleep both times. Maybe I should buy this movie for when I’m tired! I don’t know what time I fall asleep, but I do eventually.
I’m just finishing my shower. I’m ready for a new day. I’m ready early so I decide to go to Starbucks and get a fancy coffee! I go to my car, go to start it and I hear the dreaded sound *CLICK* and that’s it. I try the wrench thing again and that doesn’t do it. I swear a lot and call a cab. Fuck.
I start work. The Russian speaks Russian in the corner. She’s probably planning a KGB hit out on me. I’m going to be in a bad mood all day because my car didn’t start and I’m stuck at work right now and can’t do a goddamn thing about it. Fan-fucking-tastic!
The phones turn on. One of the girls I work with rushes away saying that “she has to take this call” and disappears. She does this too much leaving me to pick up her slack. Today might as well be a Monday because it’s going to suck ass. I don’t see anything turning this shitty day around. The first patient that calls me gives me the line that he’s a “personal friend” and will call back later. Bullshit. I hope when he calls back, he gets me again so I can tell him that I will leave a message and not “patch him straight through” to the doctor.
These patients today are driving me insane. It’s bad enough that my days sucks ass, but now these patients have to give me shit all day? This days is quickly leaning towards me punching someone in the face. Beware people with faces!
They delivered cheeseburgers and hot dogs for lunch today… AND FRENCH FRIES! Woohoo! I also just checked my Fantasy Football Waiver Wire pick up and I totally fucked that up! I picked up Fargas instead of Snelling! What the hell was I thinking on Monday when I put that in! I’m such a moron. Today has turned out horrible! Off to lunch I go!
I talked to X on lunch about how my day is horrible which included a horrible Fantasy Football pick. He agreed. His dad will be coming by to look at my car this weekend. Hopefully it’s a quick fix. I played some internet poker while on lunch. Lost a game, won a game. Nothing fun and exciting. I sent my beautiful babe a fax that I think she’ll appreciate. We’ll see how that goes over. Maybe it’ll give me a point. ;)
Now it’s like I’m working by myself. I really do work with a bunch of idiots with absolutely no work ethic. And now my boss has given me an extra project to do, like I’m not busy enough. Meanwhile, the lady that I drool over is shopping at the mall! How unfair is that?!
Now I’m doing my job along with this side project. Bleh. I feel angry about my car sitting at home and now I’m thinking about how taking the bus home sucks ass. If it wasn’t for the crappy weather outside, I’d walk home. Time’s ticking away.
I just saw a lady with no legs on Inside Edition. She’s on her third pregnancy! How does that even work? Does she have a “va-jay-jay” down there but no legs? Does she ever get real bad carpet burn? Does she look like a dog trying to scoot-clean it’s ass when she moves around? Yes, I’m a horrible person. Yes, I’m probably going to Hell. I am intrigued!
My workday is 30 minutes from being over with. This would normally get me excited and happy except for the fact that I have to go outside and wait for a bus. Then I will take the bus home and be sad as my car is broken.
I’m on the bus going back home since my shit car didn’t start this morning. I look around and see no one smiling. Everyone always looks sad on the bus. My phone vibrates and a smile grows on my face. For some strange reason, at this point something starts to clear up in my mind. “I think I might love this girl.” That’s the thought rolling around in my head. She joking said that I loved her last night. I knew it was a joke from her end, but it actually got me thinking.
I finish watching Pelham 123 while texting the most beautiful woman in the world. She’s amazing. She makes me happy even when I’ve had a shitty day. I’ve told her this. My heart beats faster when I see her. My stomach gets all twisty and full of butterflies every time I hear her voice. No matter what, a smile grows across my face whenever I hear her assigned ringtone. She says it’s lust and though lust is strongly there, I’m starting to think otherwise. This causing me to overthink and it slightly scares me. Now I don’t know what to do. What if I really love this girl and I tell her and it just scares her away? That would definitely suck balls (and not in a good way!). I’ve got some things to think about. Seeing as how I probably won’t see her for three weeks, I’ve got plenty of time to think about that.
Pelham 123 wasn’t as bad as I thought. I also watched some South Park while I waited for X to come over. He’s gonna try to use his car fixing skills to get my ride moving again. Yeah, I’m crossing my fingers. And guess what? I PUT MY JUMPSUIT BACK ON! WOOHOO! I just realized that I’m not going to be able to see this girl that I think I love for a couple of weeks. She’s going away for Thanksgiving. This saddens me. I won’t even be able to see her before she goes. :( This sucks…
Well, that was 24 boring-ass hours of me. If you didn’t like it, I don’t care! If you did enjoy the tidbits here and there, let me know. Don’t be a stranger! Comment away!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
This is Day 1 of the challenge given to me where I must blog for 7 days straight. Today’s topic will be what people in your doctor’s office really say/think about you. If you didn’t read any previous blog that I have wrote or my introduction, you wouldn’t know that I currently work in a doctor’s office. I am one of the many people that you talk to when you call, or e-mail or fax over. I make your appointments, send messages to your doctor and even handle all of your personal matters in the office. With a click of the mouse, I can find out every little detail and know everything about you.
Being a guy, there are some strange things that happen in a doctor’s office. When ladies call with “lady problem” they refuse to tell me anything. They say “Just have the doctor call me” or “it’s personal” and that bugs the crap out of me! If you wanna know the truth, I know every little secret about you already. I leave your “cryptic” message for your doctor, but I remember your name. I look into your damn chart afterwards to see what was so “personal” and I usually get a laugh about it. If you think I’m the only one that does that, you got another thing coming! If a man can call the office and tell one of us that he’s having some erectile dysfunction problems, you can tell me that you have some strange discharge coming out of your vagina! I work at a doctor’s office! It’s not like I’m going to wait for you to come into the office and point and laugh!
Another thing about us at the doctor’s office. When you come in and check in at the desk and you whisper your information to whomever you are checking in with… it doesn’t stay a secret. If you have some embarrassing question or something that is very odd with what’s wrong with you and you are trying to keep it hush-hush, that’s impossible. If you come in for a freaky and weird reason, the whole office will know why and you will probably get some strange nickname. You probably won’t like this nickname, but you have no choice. And when you come in for future appointments, no matter what they are for, you will always get a stifled chuckle sent your way… probably a funny look or two as well! Nothing is kept secret in your doctor’s office. Trust me.
That’s what I have for Day 1. Stay tuned until tomorrow for Day 2 where things will get even more interesting!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I was going to blog yesterday about how much I hate Monday and wish it would die. In this big bad world, there’s nothing that I really hate. There are things and people I dislike, but I don’t hate them. Mondays on the other hand are turning out to be a completely other matter. I literally hate Mondays now. I wish they would never occur. I wonder if Mondays didn’t exit, would Tuesdays be my next arch nemesis? I guess it doesn’t really matter what day of the week is the beginning of the week. If I have to work with the morons of the offices, making myself the only actual worker and it’s the busy beginning of the week, it sucks. But I’m wondering off of what I wanted this blog to be about. So, let’s move on.
On another side note, because I am a huge fan of side notes, I have now been challenged. The beautiful woman I refer to as Discordia has pointed out that I haven’t been able to blog every single day. I told her that I could if I wanted and a bet was made. The end of the bet will obviously have me as the winner. When I put my mind to something, I get it done, dammit! From today on, you will see a blog everyday for 7 days straight and you’re gonna like it! Then on December 5th, I will get my prize! ;)
I tell you what, this doesn't even count. I will start tomorrow as Day 1. Get ready for a full week of blogging!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Very recently, a different position opened up at the office that would be more money, less people to deal with, better hours… I inquired about this position because I had a discussion with the office manager about my supposed “supervisor” position that I was eventually going to get. It was stated at first that I showed too many signs of immaturity. This confused me and I tried to say that I wasn’t immature; I just had a spicy personality! She told me that she would figure it out and give me more info on the following day.
The following day came, which was yesterday and she said she was mistaken. It’s not that I’m showing immaturity; it’s that I show a lack of good judgment. So, right away I ask in what ways have I shown bad judgment? She gave me three items.
1. I tried out for a Reality TV show that was new and going to be on Spike TV called “America’s Biggest Asshole”. They really liked me too and I was almost guaranteed a spot. The show was cancelled due to creative differences. Bastards. She said that I seemed to think it was okay for them to come to my job here at the doctor’s office and interview people. That would probably be bad press. Did I think about that then? Nope.
2. We had a football pool that started at the beginning of the season for the Bear’s games. At first it was simple. $1 a square. Once it gets filled up, it’s done and the numbers will be added. I happen to start the game, so I bought 10 squares right away. It turns out that not everyone in the office had a chance to grab a spot before it all filled up. There were complaints and I was told that it wasn’t fair and that there needs to be a limit so that everyone had the chance to be in it. I said that since this was my football pool, I didn’t see a problem if some people didn’t get it. My boss seemed to think that since it was circulated around the office that everyone had to have a chance. Let’s just say that the next week we had to drop it down to $0.50 a square and now we can’t even fill a whole damn sheet!
3. The third things she told me was that I had some pretty bad things as my updates and comments on Facebook. I am Facebook Friends with at least 12 people connected to me at work. She said that things were seen on FB that circulated around the office and didn’t make me look quite good. When I asked her what, she wouldn’t tell me. I even asked her today and she wouldn’t tell me! She told me to ask my friends what my boss might not like on my FB! I said, “Bah” and just left the office. Lol
So, those were the three lack of judgment examples she gave me. I personally think those three things are shit excuses! I applied to the new position for better/steady hours and more pay. Why not? Plus I would be working more independently and wouldn’t have to be watching the jackasses that I work around, along with cleaning up their messes! I’m the most qualified for the job and would be the best at it and it would take the least amount of time to train me. The only reason I wouldn’t get the job would be because taking me away from my current job might hurt the office more. Who knows. We’ll see what happens.
Now that I look at things I’ve done in my past, there are quite a few other things that I could’ve used better judgment in.
The Michigan Incident
The Affair at Nessett Pavilion
Not remembering to pay back a buddy
ETC ETC ETC
Hell, the list could go on and on and on and on, but I’m not going to go into details right now! None of my followers here have earned details! But will always answer questions in the comment section!
On a completely other side note, the beautiful and awesome girl that I call “my baby” or “Discordia” is sick. I know she reads these, so I wish her well. I hope she gets to feeling better real soon. Even if you aren’t feeling well, come on over this weekend and I’ll get you nice and cozy and warm in my room and go get you some soup and tea or something. ;) I miss ya, babe.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday just might be the worst day ever created. Today at work, it was crazy busy. I barely had time to do anything, much less blog. After work, I was so drained that a did a lot of nothing. What happens when I do nothing? I think. What happens when I think? Bad things, usually.
You see, sometimes in life there are things that you want that you just can't have. I know this through experience and I've grown to deal with it in various ways. Currently, I have something that I want, but I don't have it completely. Is this a bad thing? No. Could it be better? Yes.
I'm not going to go into details quite yet. It's not the right time to go into details. All I'm saying is sometimes when you covet something that someone else has, it truly is a bad thing like it says in the Bible! WAIT! I know what you're thinking. "Is he really talking about the Bible?" Yes, I've read the Bible from cover to cover. I used to be religious and at one time studied religion as a minor in college. Religion intrigues me, but I'm not religious.
Sometimes I don't want to share. Does that make me a bad person? Does that mean that I am the spoiled brat that I was once told I was? I don't think someone that grew up as poor as myself can be considered spoiled. Is there such a thing as a spoiled poor person? If there is, I just might be that. I grew up an only child and whatever was mine... was just mine. I didn't have to share what was mine with anyone else. What little I had was mine and mine alone and I liked it like that dammit!
As I type this blog up, I begin to wonder what is worse. Is it worse to have a part of something rather than not having it at all? The part that I have is so great that it should make up for the part that I don't have. Right? It does most of the time. But when I'm exhausted after a hellish Monday, I think too much. People used to tell me all the time that I think too much and it used to get me into way too much trouble. I don't want to lose the little part that I have because I enjoy it and like it "probably too much". But when I think too much as I'm exhausted by myself after work, I get jealous.
I am the least jealous person that you will probably ever meet in your life. But tonight I actually felt a tad jealous. I shouldn't feel jealous. I have the best part of the thing that I like so much, but I want it all. Then I think of the possibility of what could happen. Maybe one day I'll own the whole sha-bang. Or is that just high hopes? Is this just some wild crazy dream that I've made up in my "Make-Believe Land" dreams?
Either way, I'm going to enjoy the part I have as much as possible and hope that one day I'll have the whole package.
I re-read this blog before posting it... and I confused myself... I guess that's what is going to occasionally happen in a Fnord rant. Well, goodnight folks and I'll talk to ya tomorrow!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Let's talk about today's events and maybe you'll see why me blogging today almost didn't happen! Today I woke up and turned to my left to see the most beautiful woman in the world. This gorgeous creature, that I'm so infatuated with that it's slightly crazy, was laying next to me caressing my hair. She had once told me that she didn't want to like me "too much" because it would make complications arise, but at that moment, I knew she already liked me "too much". Does this mean complications will soon come around, probably so. But as I've told her through text message (Our preferred way of communication and completely acceptable! Get with the times!) : I'm not going anywhere. She has complications, but so do I. I'm already constantly thinking about her and wanting her in every single way. I want her more than I can have her because of her complications. But anyway, I'm going off subject! I woke up today with her by my side and we had a nice morning together. I walked her to her car and as she drove away, I already missed her. Yeah, I know it's sappy, but I don't care!
I was running a tad late going to get my car epoxy-ied up so that it quits leaking gas and so I can fill it up more than a half-tank! That started at 9:20ish when I left my house and I finished at around 6:30/7:00pm tonight? Now, we didn't just work on my car. My buddy's car needed to change some rear brake pads, then we found out something else was wrong and blah blah blah... leads all the way to 7:00pm and me exhausted.
I get home, put in a Garlic Bread Cheese Tombstone Pizza. It wasn't bad. I ate it until I couldn't eat anymore. Then I remembered it was Sunday, which is laundry day! I gathered some clothes and shoved them in the washer. (They are in the dryer as I type this!) I still have yet to take a shower from yesterday. I smell like sex and motor oil. I kinda like it. ;)
So, now we get along to 11:00pm and I've decided to blog. My roommate came home and this is his usual time of sitting for hours in front of the computer doing god knows what. So, I'm gonna type this quick (yes I do type 90 wpm!) and get it done with. I'm exhausted. I have to go fold my laundry and then take a shower so I can pass out lonely in my bed.
Shout out to my lovely Discordia. I know you're reading this. I miss you. I can't wait until I get to gaze into your lovely eyes again.