Demotivational Poster of the Day

Demotivational Poster of the Day

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Salt (2010)

As a CIA officer, Evelyn Salt swore an oath to duty, honor and country. Her loyalty will be tested when a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy. Salt goes on the run, using all her skills and years of experience as a covert operative to elude capture. Salt's efforts to prove her innocence only serve to cast doubt on her motives, as the hunt to uncover the truth behind her identity continues and the question remains: "Who is Salt?"
I attended a screening of this movie last week and thought it was fantastic. I was expecting a very predictable movie with some cool actions scenes a la Tomb Raider, but I was pleasantly suprised by how good the plot turned out to be. Angelina Jolie gives a great performance as a CIA agent turned fugitive and Liev Schreiber and Chiwetel Ejiofor give sold performances as well. The actions scenes are very creative and suspensful. Plot twists througout the movie kept me intrigued and eager to find out the ending.

Bruce Willis character in Die Hard is what comes to mind when thinking of Salt. Against all odds, Angelina Jolie runs from every possible CIA and government agent possible. Completely unbelievable, but you cant stop watching. Salt gets out of situations that are impossible. Thats what makes it fun to watch though! Its non-stop action for an hour and 40 minutes. Sit back, eat your popcorn and enjoy!


4/5 Stars

****/*****

The Unquiet Riot

Theriot Actually Propels Ball over Fence in 5-2 WinThere's a lot of news from last night's victory over the Astros. Carlos Silva finally looked decent again and let in only one run (albeit in only five innings). Geovany Soto drove in two runs. But to us, the biggest story is Ryan Theriot hitting a home run. The wee lad hasn't homered since June 29, 2009, and yet there went the ball, leaving the yard. With the win, the Cubs are 7-4 since the All-Star break. That's respectable, but we're thinking it's still time to make some trades.

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Kid in the Hall

Piniella and Cooperstown: Point/CounterpointLou Piniella is pretty much a baseball institution, and as we noted yesterday (twice!), one who's not afraid of showing his junk to reporters. Awww. So now that the issue of "Will he go out with a World Series win?" had been answered, we're left with this question: "Will he make the Hall of Fame?" ESPN's Rob Neyer says yes, noting that every manager with more wins is enshrined in Cooperstown. But the New York Times says no, that his .519 winning percentage and lone World Series trophy will leave him out. What do you think?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

Balthazar Blake (Nicolas Cage) is a master sorcerer in modern-day Manhattan trying to defend the city from his arch-nemesis, Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina). Balthazar can't do it alone, so he recruits Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel), a seemingly average guy who demonstrates hidden potential, as his reluctant protégé. The sorcerer gives his unwilling accomplice a crash course in the art and science of magic, and together, these unlikely partners work to stop the forces of darkness. It'll take all the courage Dave can muster to survive his training, save the city and get the girl as he becomes The Sorcerer's Apprentice.
I enjoyed this film much more than I thought I would. Lots of quirky humor and great action. Nicolas Cage just cant make a bad film.


Loosely based (or suggested) by the Disney animated short, The Sorcerers Apprentice is a light, but enjoyable family adventure film that survives on the partnership between quintessential nerd Jay Baruchel and quintessential Medieval Wizard Nicolas Cage (okay, so Cage ain't a quintessential anything but his bizarre character affectations work well here). Alfred Molina channels his Doc Ock villainy once more and provides an appropriate antagonist for the duo; plenty of ham to chow down on. Decent CGI set pieces, solid jokes, and a farting dog. Think Harry Potter with a little less pretentiousness and whole lot less mythology to bog you down.


4/5 Stars

****/*****

Holy Cow!

Down by 6, Ramirez's 3 HRs Lead Huge ComebackWhat's the word for a win like last night's? Sweet? Awesome? Sublime? On the night when Lou Piniella announced he's retiring at season's end, the Cubs put up two touchdowns to win 14-7. Incredibly, the North Siders were down 6-0 at one point. It's safe to say Ryan Dempster wasn't on his game, but he was bailed out by a bullpen that gave up zero runs and earned Andrew Cashner his first win. Then there's Aramis Ramirez, who had three homers and seven (SEVEN!) RBIs. Geovany Soto hit a massive homer, too. Can't we just pretend it's May?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (2009)

Tucker decides to take an impromptu trip to celebrate his friend's bachelor party. He drags his friend into a lie with his fiancée, gets him into trouble and then abandons him in order to pursue a hilarious carnal interest. Tucker is disinvited to the wedding, and in order to get back in, Tucker has to find a way to balance his narcissism with the demands of friendship.
Sure the film is crass and vulgar, but it is also surprisingly funny. Jesse Bradford is hysterical as the dry quick witted pessimist. If you liked the book you will probably like the movie. If you didn't read the book than I suggest reading the book, then decide if you want to see the movie. Great book, ok movie.

Most of the acting is wooden and feels read, the plot lines dont have near the bang they do in the book, and theres a slow pace to most of it. Lots of whiney dialogue, this one borders on sappy drama at times instead of all-out comedy. Too much focus on the side characters and on Tuckers pals lives. The best actor is the dude who plays Tucker, and the best parts are his outrageous interactions and scathing dialogue with targets. If I could write myself a note and send it back in time, it would say, Fastforward to all the parts with Tucker in bars, THATS the movie you rented this to see.


3/5 Stars

***/*****

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Byrd Takes Flight---Walk, Smart Defensive Play Help NL Win

Our man Marlon Byrd definitely had a big impact on last night's All-Star Game. He coaxed a walk against Sox pitcher Matt Thornton in the seventh inning, then scored on Brian McCann's bases-clearing double. But the bigger play came in the ninth inning, with David Ortiz on first. John Buck singled to right, but Byrd fired to second to force Ortiz, short-circuiting an AL rally. Bottom line: the NL won for the first time since 1996. Looks like the Cubs will have home-field advantage in the World Series! Right?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

People of Walmart

I've been to the website called "People of Walmart" and I've laughed and scoffed at the trashy people and how ridiculous they are. I got an e-mail this morning with pictures that I believe are from the "People of Walmart" or at least it's of not so pretty rednecks, which everyone knows I know a great deal about. So, enjoy the pictures and let's make fun of some weirdos!


Flesh-colored tights. What a great idea!

Ya really think ya gonna be needin' those condoms there, big fella?


HEY! HEY! HOLD STILL!!! There’s a freakin’ jellyfish on your head! I'll get it.. Hold still!


WOW! That’s so cool! Nike came out with a new flesh-colored fanny-pack…wait…hold on…OMG!



Yes!!!!! Blue is definitely your color!




How the heck did the White Witch of Narnia come through the wardrobe?





Proof that Elvis got a poodle pregnant? I don’t know, I’m not here to judge... well, maybe....





I think the knot goes in front...at least it should.





Santa has a summer job?






The irony here is overwhelming. I’m just going to sit back and let you soak it in.





I couldn't help it...that was a really, really funny joke.








I’m sorry sir, but those Christmas hams put you over the 12 item limit for this line.








How does she manage to make it look like she's tucked their butt into her young son's pants







OH COME ON! Are you actually going to stand there and tell me you don't even feel a breeze?








I know what a muffin-top is, but I’ve never seen a muffin-back. I think there needs to be a better word for it, so, I'm open to suggestions.





At what point does a person just say, "Screw it, I don’t need to put on shoes or pants?”




Oh, the humanity. How did we get to this point as a species???








I cannot confirm if this is indeed THE Little Miss Muffet. Mainly because I have no idea what a tuffet looks like. (Even the doll is dressed in pink.)






Well, you ARE at a store that sells underwear. Problem solved. Then I would move on to pants...






I wonder if she can 'tie ‘em in a knot or tie ‘em in a bow'......because unfortunately, I already know they 'wobble to an fro’.





Look! All "natural" sleeves...just the thing to wear with your tank top.







OOOOWWW, she’s LETTIN’ it ALL hang-out.





Hookers love cupcakes. Can’t argue with the facts.







Listen, honey, the “ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL” tag is lying to you...







Sasselfratz, hibidibut, yzidili, guvukafet… Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just trying to think of new words to describe this lady because I can’t seem to find any that already exist.








Why do I feel like at any minute now, a big arm-bar is going to swing out with a STOP sign on it?







Yipes! Stripes!







Well, it is summer now, which means that we all get to witness more gems like this one.







Hey, Hulk Hogan...





Hot Dawg!!! I am seriously jealous of this dude.







Ummm, I think he might need something more than the pine tree air-freshener.







Why do I have a feeling Jim Henson is behind her......working her arms?
Big thanks to Frankie for passing this along to me. My blog-followers appreciate it!

Grow Your Own---Cubs Need to Produce Better Homegrown Talent

What's the difference between the Cubs and a successful team like, say, the Phillies? (Except the lunk-headed fans.) The answer: Home-produced talent. Crain's Ed Sherman absolutely nails it when he points out the dearth of homegrown talent, referring to first-round busts as Luis Montanez, Bobby Brownlie, and Ryan Harvey. And let us add the not-quite luminary names of Mark Pawalek, Ty Griffin, and the evil Ben Christensen. "The Cubs need to produce impact players if they want to end the 102-year drought," Sherman says. "It's as simple as that." Amen.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Predators (2010)

Rugged mercenary Royce (Adrien Brody) inherits command of an elite team of human fighters -- including dorky-but-dangerous Edwin (Topher Grace) and tough-but-beautiful Isabelle (Alice Braga) -- as they are hunted by a race of ruthless alien trackers known as Predators. Director Nimród Antal's sci-fi action explosion, which also stars Laurence Fishburne and an uzi-toting Danny Trejo, is a direct sequel to the 1987 blockbuster Predator.
I understand they were looking for "non-Arnold" type for the lead and I'm ok with Brody. I just wished he hadn't tried so hard to sound tough throughout the entire movie; his voice got annoying like Bale in "Batman Begins." But for you not-so-nitpicky Predator fans, this one was great. The talk was just enough to build the story. But since everyone's comparing this to the original, I was expecting a tad bit more gruesome killscenes. Effects were top notch and this one is worth the ticket price.

Well, it doesn't really do anything new with the premise, which I guess can be counted against it. But it is a well done, straightforward hunting/chasing action film. It's put together well and has decent action scenes. I liked the cast - they actually brought a little depth to some pretty on the nose dialogue exchanges. I liked the practical effects. I liked the nods to "Predator." As far as the rest of the franchise, the first one of course is the best. But I'd say this one is probably equal to or a little better than "Predator 2" (the acting was definitely better), and we can just ignore the "AVP" films. The "Predator" franchise is a decent little trilogy now, so that's cool.


***/*****

3/5 Stars

Whole Lotta Nothin'---Cubs Lose 7-0 Laugher to Dodgers

OK, see, that's exactly how NOT to go into the All-Star break. You want to charge in with momentum, not earn only four hits and score no runs. We knew things were bad when Rafael Furcal hit Carlos Silva's first pitch for a double. Then James Loney tagged a three-run homer, and then Silva got ejected for arguing a call at first base. (When you've given up five runs by the second, do you really care if you get tossed?) Before long, it was 7-0. Do you really want to know more details? Exactly.