Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?!

What are the chances that instead of just being very super lazy that I actually have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?

Chronic fatigue syndrome is a condition of prolonged and severe tiredness or weariness (fatigue) that is not relieved by rest and is not directly caused by other conditions. To be diagnosed with this condition, your tiredness must be severe enough to decrease your ability to participate in ordinary activities by 50%.

Symptoms of CFS are similar to those of most common viral infections (muscle aches, headaches, fatigue). They come on with in a few hours or days and last for 6 months or more.

Main symptoms:

·Fatigue or tiredness, never experienced to this extend before (new onset), lasting 6 months and not relieved by bed rest
·Fatigue that is severe enough to restrict activity (serious fatigue develops with less than one-half of the exertion compared with before the illness)

Other symptoms:

·Fatigue lasting more than 24 hours after an amount of exercise that would normally be easily tolerated
·Feeling unrefreshed after sleeping an adequate amount of time
·Forgetfulness or other similar symptoms including difficulty concentrating, confusion, or irritability
·Headaches, different from previous headaches in quality, severity, or pattern
·Joint pain, often moving from join to joint (migratory arthralgias), without joint swelling or redness
·Lymph node tenderness in the neck or armpit
·Mild fever (101 degrees F or less)
·Muscle aches (myalgias)
·Muscle weakness, all over or multiple locations, not explained by any known disorder
·Sore throat


Now, I am always tired with extreme fatigue. I can sleep 4 hours or 12 hours and I’m still exhausted every time I wake up. On a perfect day when I have nothing planned, I could literally stay in bed and even sleep all day. I always feel unrefreshed after sleeping any amount of time. When you talk about me and forgetfulness, we go hand-in-hand. I can’t seem to remember much of anything anymore! I do get headaches a lot. They tend to randomly come and go and they are very hard to get rid of. Every now and then my shoulders will ache and sometimes it’ll move to my knees or other joints. I do get muscle aches and weakness on occasion. All of these symptoms combined make me think this could be quite a possibility!

Now, I probably don’t have CFS, but I tend to find things sometimes and automatically think I have them. For a while, I thought I had a slight minor case of schizophrenia! How loopy is that?! When it comes to diseases of the mind, my thought is that everyone has these “crazy diseases” but the only thing that matters is if you are able to control them or not. Everyone’s a schizoid! :)


Last night wasn’t a good night for me. Because someone thinks I’m nothing but a liar, they are trying to decide whether or not to continue seeing/talking to me. Personally, I think there is something else and they are just trying to look for an excuse, but that’s just me. I’m not a liar and anyone that really knows me would tell you that. I tell the truth so often that most of the time people hate me for it. That’s probably why my list of friends gets shorter and shorter as my days go by. At one time in my life, long ago, I thought that I had something wrong with me where I pushed everyone that cared about me away. I don’t think that now. All I can say is “This is me, deal with it or leave” to those that can’t take my truthfulness. And for the record, forgetting to tell someone something is not lying. Saying that you don’t do something… then doing it months later is not lying. Four months ago, I said I was a smoker. Now, if I quit smoking right now, does that make me a liar? Highly doubtful.

I just don’t understand some things in life and I doubt I ever will. I will never know why a woman’s mind works the way that it works. I’ll never understand why some people think that all men or most of them are liars.

I feel like I’m about to lose or have already lost this amazing woman that I’ve been with for the past few months. She’s a blast to be with and I really have fallen for her. For circumstances that I can’t control, I can’t see her everyday and I’m okay with that. The times that I do see her or talk to her are the brightest moments of my small existence in this world. If she decided to not be with me or to “leave” then I have no choice but to be okay with it. I mean, what choice do I really have? Like I’ve said before, I can’t fight for something that I don’t completely have. I’d miss the hell out of her and my days would feel quite empty… like today does, but that’s something that I’ve learned in the past to live with.

I’m not looking for a sad story here, my heart has just grown quite cold over the years. It’s like everything that I’ve ever loved or cared about leaves or dies or just doesn’t treat me right. Maybe I don’t know what love is. Maybe to this day I have never really loved anyone or have them love me. Who knows? I sure don’t.

So, today I will spend the rest of my gloomy day at work. I will then retreat to my apartment after 4:30pm when I get out and I will probably watch a movie or play a video game to try and not think about the real world that surrounds me. Maybe X and I will go out to see Avatar tonight. Who knows? Well, until tomorrow, everyone have a super-fantastic day.

I miss you, baby. More than you can imagine. I don't know why you think such things about me, but I promise you they were meant in no harm. I hope you're doing okay.

And again at the end of my blog, the haiku runneth over…

Radio stations
are not playing any songs,
so I turn it off.

On the way to work,
I drive past lots of car wrecks
clogging up traffic.

A guy almost dies
stumbling onto the road.
Too drunk to walk straight.

FNORD