Thursday, December 31, 2009
It's almost 10pm on New Years Eve and what am I doing? Am I out celebrating with some friends? No. Am I with a special someone ready for that kiss at midnight? Nope. Am I at least with my family somewhere enjoying the night? Not at all.
So what could you be doing?
Thanks for asking! I'm sitting at home by myself blogging!
What?! Why are you doing that instead of out having a good time? Why aren't you drinking?
A'ha! I am drinking! I am drinking by myself at home! Doesn't that count for something? All day today my cell phone didn't vibrate... it didn't ring when I turned the ringer back on... it didn't make a peep. No one called or texted me to see what I was doing tonight. No one wanted to invite me to play some reindeer games...
So, when 2:30pm came around, I left work and made my way to the grocery store. There I bought some pizza rolls and beverages. I got home about 3:00pm. Yes, I live that close. Still I had heard nothing. My roommate was home getting ready for work. I thought to myself "that poor sap has to work on New Years!" and chuckled inside. I went to my room and decided to throw on a game of Madden 10. I played and when I was done I came back out. My cell phone still had not budged but for some reason, I kept checking it.
So, I said "fuck it" and made myself some pizza rolls and a drink. It was a rather large drink and had about a 50/50 alcohol ratio to whatever random non-alcohol drink I could find. This was sometime before 4:00pm. I went back to the room with my drink and my pizza rolls and played some more Madden 10 while drinking. I repeated this process over and over until it came around 7:00pm or so. I said "fuck it" again and just turned my phone off. It's been turned off for the past 3 hours or so. I figured why leave it on if no one bothers to call or text me. I don't want to get some random spam e-mail and my phone jingle... I'd jump to it to be sadly disappointed.
BTW: this is a very large cup I'm drinking out of and refilling every time it's empty... and I'm out of pizza rolls. :(
So, now not only am I blogging, but I'm drunk, too! WHOOPEE!
Now I have to figure out what this makes me to fall in such a predicament. There are three options:
1. I'm a loser.
2. People hate me.
3. No one gives a shit about me.
I'd like to think it's a nice 1/3 split between all three. I mean, I don't want to be a loser, I don't want people to hate me and I don't want people to not give a shit about me, but it is what it is. Am I really a loser that doesn't have any friends that would invite him out to New Years with them? Hmm...? Am I that much of an asshole that people hate me enough to just ignore me and try to forget me as much as possible? I did try out and was inches away from getting on the new Reality TV Show: America's Biggest Asshole before they stopped it's production. Does no one out there really care about me that they don't even care to see if or what I'm doing for the New Years celebration?
I'm really starting to feel pretty shitty... along with being drunk... right about now. I might turn my phone on in an hour or so just so I can send sarcastic asshole responses to any random text messages I get wishing me a "Happy New Year". If everything tends to go the way it's going right now, I probably won't get any, anyway. Sweet.
I've thought of some interesting New Year's Resolutions for this year. Should be fun. It'll probably just drive people farther away from me... running screaming into the forest or something...
Anyway, I'm Fnord and I'm drunk at home by myself on New Years Eve. I could probably say that I hope you have had a better NYE, but I'd be lying.
And to that girl that caught my heart and doesn't know quite what to do with it... I just don't know what to say. :(
I'm gonna go drink some more now and probably go have a cigarette. I'm kinda warm. Do you think it would be a bad idea to go outside with just sweat pants and a t-shirt? I'm gonna try it! Oh shit... I just remember I'm out of pizza rolls again... now it's just the alcohol! WOOHOO!
1. "Imma Let You Finish"
Kanye West, to country singer Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards
2. "Kobe Special"
Tiger Woods' rumored nickname for expensive jewelry bought to placate and angry wife, a tactic employed by L.A. Laker Kobe Bryant
3. "I'm no saint"
Silvio Berlusconi's response to sex allegations
4. "I am centaur"
Name of a Twitter feed inspired by Yankee Alex Rodriguez, who reportedly owns portraits of himself as half horse, half man
5. "One meal per day"
U.S. commander Stanley McChrystal's reported no-fuss diet to avoid sluggishness
6. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
Kane Moss' motto to maintain her slim frame
7. "I can has swine flu?"
America's first confirmed case of H1N1 in a house pet: an Iowa tabby
8. "All wee-weed up"
Barack Obama's description of end-of-the-summer legislative anxiety
9. "Doing God's work"
Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, on how he spends his time as a banker
10. "Keep f____ that chicken!"
Newscaster Ernie Anastos' bizarre, unprintable on-air gaffe
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I get no text messages anymore and that makes me sad. Will someone text me?
I ask her what's up,
but she just eats in her car.
Sometime's wrong with Beth.
Odd that Beth won't speak.
Odder that Beth is eating
I tap on the glass.
Beth smashes her face through it.
I call 911.
Why in the world is almost every movie have to involve love in some way? It's ridiculous! I went to see Avatar last night with a buddy of mine and with all of the sci-fi, action and visual image crap, there was still a love story involved! Basically, this movie was Dances With Wolves meets Aliens meets Jurassic Park. The movie wasn't the greatest. It was visually stimulating with all the colors and everything. The wild animals that were alien and strange were pretty cool. Michelle Rodriguez was in it wearing a white tank top... she's hot. I enjoyed the movie, though it was pretty long.
My only gripe is why does every movie have to involve love of some kind? I started to think back about the movies I've seen lately....
Avatar: human gets in fake alien body and falls in love with an alien
Sherlock Holmes: Rachael Mcwhatever is hot and Robert Downey Holmes loves her--so much sexual tension!
The Hangover: it's a batchelor party FOR A WEDDING! Plus the dentist falls in love with the stripper, doesn't he?!
All About Steve: old ass Sanda Bullock stalks Steve because she thinks she loves him
Carriers: two couples go around while everyone is infected... there is love within the couples
Secretary: S&M type of love
(500) Days of Summer: they say it's not a love story... but it is!
District 9: He loves his wife that he has to leave... but then he loves the aliens and helps them get away! (I know that's a far-fetched one)
Grace: she loves her zombie baby! plue there's lesbian love (and not the good kind!)
Funny People: he's gonna die, reunite with his true love... blah blah blah blah
This list could go on and on and on. With the exception of possibly Disctrict 9 on my list, every movie had a huge "love-factor" as I'm starting to call it. Seriously, can we get a movie without some mushy love crap?
This is the exact reason why I end blogs with Zombie Haiku!
Much to my surprise,
when I get to the office,
the place is empty.
When I call the boss,
he answers and screams at me
and then drops the phone.
Beth from accounting
is just sitting in her car
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Chronic fatigue syndrome is a condition of prolonged and severe tiredness or weariness (fatigue) that is not relieved by rest and is not directly caused by other conditions. To be diagnosed with this condition, your tiredness must be severe enough to decrease your ability to participate in ordinary activities by 50%.
Symptoms of CFS are similar to those of most common viral infections (muscle aches, headaches, fatigue). They come on with in a few hours or days and last for 6 months or more.
·Fatigue or tiredness, never experienced to this extend before (new onset), lasting 6 months and not relieved by bed rest
·Fatigue that is severe enough to restrict activity (serious fatigue develops with less than one-half of the exertion compared with before the illness)
·Fatigue lasting more than 24 hours after an amount of exercise that would normally be easily tolerated
·Feeling unrefreshed after sleeping an adequate amount of time
·Forgetfulness or other similar symptoms including difficulty concentrating, confusion, or irritability
·Headaches, different from previous headaches in quality, severity, or pattern
·Joint pain, often moving from join to joint (migratory arthralgias), without joint swelling or redness
·Lymph node tenderness in the neck or armpit
·Mild fever (101 degrees F or less)
·Muscle aches (myalgias)
·Muscle weakness, all over or multiple locations, not explained by any known disorder
Now, I am always tired with extreme fatigue. I can sleep 4 hours or 12 hours and I’m still exhausted every time I wake up. On a perfect day when I have nothing planned, I could literally stay in bed and even sleep all day. I always feel unrefreshed after sleeping any amount of time. When you talk about me and forgetfulness, we go hand-in-hand. I can’t seem to remember much of anything anymore! I do get headaches a lot. They tend to randomly come and go and they are very hard to get rid of. Every now and then my shoulders will ache and sometimes it’ll move to my knees or other joints. I do get muscle aches and weakness on occasion. All of these symptoms combined make me think this could be quite a possibility!
Now, I probably don’t have CFS, but I tend to find things sometimes and automatically think I have them. For a while, I thought I had a slight minor case of schizophrenia! How loopy is that?! When it comes to diseases of the mind, my thought is that everyone has these “crazy diseases” but the only thing that matters is if you are able to control them or not. Everyone’s a schizoid! :)
Last night wasn’t a good night for me. Because someone thinks I’m nothing but a liar, they are trying to decide whether or not to continue seeing/talking to me. Personally, I think there is something else and they are just trying to look for an excuse, but that’s just me. I’m not a liar and anyone that really knows me would tell you that. I tell the truth so often that most of the time people hate me for it. That’s probably why my list of friends gets shorter and shorter as my days go by. At one time in my life, long ago, I thought that I had something wrong with me where I pushed everyone that cared about me away. I don’t think that now. All I can say is “This is me, deal with it or leave” to those that can’t take my truthfulness. And for the record, forgetting to tell someone something is not lying. Saying that you don’t do something… then doing it months later is not lying. Four months ago, I said I was a smoker. Now, if I quit smoking right now, does that make me a liar? Highly doubtful.
I just don’t understand some things in life and I doubt I ever will. I will never know why a woman’s mind works the way that it works. I’ll never understand why some people think that all men or most of them are liars.
I feel like I’m about to lose or have already lost this amazing woman that I’ve been with for the past few months. She’s a blast to be with and I really have fallen for her. For circumstances that I can’t control, I can’t see her everyday and I’m okay with that. The times that I do see her or talk to her are the brightest moments of my small existence in this world. If she decided to not be with me or to “leave” then I have no choice but to be okay with it. I mean, what choice do I really have? Like I’ve said before, I can’t fight for something that I don’t completely have. I’d miss the hell out of her and my days would feel quite empty… like today does, but that’s something that I’ve learned in the past to live with.
I’m not looking for a sad story here, my heart has just grown quite cold over the years. It’s like everything that I’ve ever loved or cared about leaves or dies or just doesn’t treat me right. Maybe I don’t know what love is. Maybe to this day I have never really loved anyone or have them love me. Who knows? I sure don’t.
So, today I will spend the rest of my gloomy day at work. I will then retreat to my apartment after 4:30pm when I get out and I will probably watch a movie or play a video game to try and not think about the real world that surrounds me. Maybe X and I will go out to see Avatar tonight. Who knows? Well, until tomorrow, everyone have a super-fantastic day.
I miss you, baby. More than you can imagine. I don't know why you think such things about me, but I promise you they were meant in no harm. I hope you're doing okay.
And again at the end of my blog, the haiku runneth over…
are not playing any songs,
so I turn it off.
On the way to work,
I drive past lots of car wrecks
clogging up traffic.
A guy almost dies
stumbling onto the road.
Too drunk to walk straight.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I woke up this morning after hitting the snooze a little too much. I take a shower and get out to trim my beard. Now, the back story on my beard is that I usually keep facial hair of some sort because without it, I swear I look 14 years old. No man my age (29 now) wants to look like a 14 year old! So, I’ve been sporting a beard so far since it’s cold out and whatnot. I got out to trim my beard so I don’t look quite so homeless. I trimmed the right side of my face and my beard trimmer suddenly quit working. I thought maybe that it didn’t charge right or something. I plugged it back into the charger and tried to use it plugged in, but it just didn’t have the juice to do anything. I tried again and that’s when I noticed that the wire was broken, and by broken I mean the stupid cat chewed through it! Now, normally I would just be pissed and I would’ve just said “whatever” but I had some complications. My face was already half-trimmed. Half of my beard was trimmed and the other half was homeless looking. So, what else could I do but use my regular razor and shave it all off?! So, now I look like a 14 year old boy! DAMMIT!
I am the opener at work, which means I open the doors and get everything moving in the office. I’m the first one to arrive. When I get there at 7:00am, the phone is ringing. Now, this could be a doctor looking to speak to the staff or something, but it’s not. It’s some chick on the phone asking if her grandfather has an appointment this morning. This chick is calling on the back line where only other doctors and employees are supposed to call on. I tell her that no one is in the office this early and to call back after 9 when the office line is open. When I told her this, she gave me an attitude. She asked, “No one can tell me if he has an appointment?” What did I just say? NO ONE IS IN THE OFFICE! I found out that this chick’s mom used to work at the office or something. She thinks she has the right to use our backline and get special crap? Screw that! I don’t know her or whoever her family is that used to work here. They don’t work here now, so screw them!
I go to make the morning coffee so it can be fresh and ready for those that come in and I notice that there are 6 packages of coffee down there. Now, one of my duties at the office is to order the coffee and keep it where it needs to be kept. I used to keep the whole box of packages under the coffee pot, but they started to disappear, so we started keeping only 5 of them there with the spares in the drug closet with all of the drug samples. Seeing 6 packages of coffee means someone else is messing with my coffee! Dammit!
Now, I continue with my Monday and as usual Monday sucks. It’s too damn busy at this doctor’s office on Monday because all of the people that got sick over the weekend. It’s so busy that I don’t really get a chance to send a text message to that special girl that I’m nuts over. I did get to post a blog though in between patients! I thought she’d be proud of me for that. ;)
Then at lunch time, she texts me “Hey”. I respond saying “Hi” and then she says that maybe we should stop talking. This was way out of left field and sent me straight into shock. I didn’t know what was going on. Now, things were going on with her that made me think maybe she got back together with someone, which could always be a possibility. I mean, we are only seeing each other “casually” sort of. So, I figured that with the circumstances that have occurred, she had gotten back with the other dude. I would’ve been very bummed about this, but I could deal with that. I mean, it’s got a high chance of happening. That being said, he said that she had some strange feeling that something was up with me! We’re talking about me here! I don’t know if any of you actually know me… probably don’t… but I’m a man that says what’s on his mind. I’m someone that will tell you how it is even if it sucks. So, she says she has a feeling in her gut that something is up with me. I don’t even know how to take that. Nothing is up with me. Everything is the same with me (as boring as that sounds). If anything is up, it’s that I like her more. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it now. I love this woman. Something happened to her recently that sent her to the hospital. She’s now resting at home. I feel bad because I want to be there for her. I want to comfort her and be by her side but because of our circumstances, I can’t. So, if she wants to quit seeing me because I love her, then so be it. I won’t understand it, but I’ll deal with it. I don’t want to lose her. I love what I have with her and would give anything in the world to be with her. I don’t know what she’s feeling or thinking. I know she’s reading this… or will eventually. Nothing’s up with me, babe. I’m still me and I still adore the hell out of you. Your gut feeling is wrong, baby. I miss you and want nothing more than to be with you.
Now because of her having a feeling, I'm getting sick to my stomach. I want to leave work and go home. My stomach is bouncing off the walls and I feel like I want to vomit. She's going to take a nap now and I don't know what's happening. I hate not knowing things I should know... :(
I grab a quick meal
while skimming through the paper.
Death, death, death, comics.
Dodging eye contact
from my neighbor’s awkward stare,
I leave my nice house.
As I start my car,
my neighbor just keeps staring
and doesn’t wave back.
This year it was as if it wasn’t even a holiday. I didn’t have anyone to buy anything for that would let me. I didn’t have anything bought for me by someone else.
At work I bought my co-workers little $5-$10 gifts and that was fun. I got a thing or two from them, but that’s not the important part. I enjoyed getting them gifts. It was fun to have them say “You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!”
My roommate and I don’t ever buy anything for each other. It’s an unspoken thing, I guess. Three or so years ago, we used to exchange gifts. The past couple of years, I bought him something and he didn’t seem to appreciate it. He didn’t get me anything back in return either, not that it is important. Last year, I got him like a personal grooming kit because that’s all I see him doing (filing his nails and other weird things like that) while sitting on the couch in the living room. It’s been collecting dust for a year now in the bathroom. Guess he didn’t like that gift too much… lol
Last year I was dating someone and ended up spending close to if not more than grand on their Christmas. To say the least, she enjoyed everything she got. This year, I’m “seeing” someone but she told me NOT to get her a gift at all. I’ll admit, I was kinda bummed about this. I know it sounds crazy! I mean giving a new person that you’re seeing a gift and they don’t like it… it could RUIN everything! But I like to give things to the people I care about. I ordered her something anyway and I know she’ll like it! It’s small and really wasn’t a big thing, so I’m sure she’ll love it. ;)
So, to my 5 followers, do you know anyone like that? Someone that demands you get them nothing? lol How was everyone’s holidays?
And to the beautiful woman that I miss dearly, you know who you are, I’m sad that you had such a crappy holiday. I’m sorry that you’re sitting at home bored and in pain. I wish there was something I could do to help you in anyway. I feel useless and sad that I can’t do anything for you. I hope you get better soon and I’m gonna give you a big hug and kiss as soon as I can see you! ;)
where is it you have flown from?
Your name sounds Spanish.
My day starts off bad.
I’m running behind for work.
If I’m late, I’m dead.
Something on the news
about people acting odd,
so I switch to sports.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Anywho, I've finally figured out why I enjoy Zombie movies along with other horror movies. They almost never have a happy ending! For the longest time I was in search of movies without the sappy happy ending that almost all movies have. Then I came to the realization that Zombie movies almost NEVER have a happy ending! This is probably why I love them so much!
Does that make me not normal? Who is normal these days anyway? ha ha ha
So, yeah... other than zombies are just cool, I love movies with unhappy endings! Booyah!
The tree in the wind
slowly bends like a dancer,
dancing in the sky.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I've got my Insanity Workout DVDs in the mail! I'm super excited about those! I'm planning on starting those on Sunday. I feel sorry for my neighbors downstairs. I'll have to figure out a good time where it doesn't sound like I'm going to come crashing down through their ceiling! Super-stoked about starting these workouts though. That alongside me starting my old diet again, I'm gonna be dropping fat and gaining muscle in no-time. I did it once, I can do it again. I just need that motivation. I can't remember what motivated me before. I'm gonna have to just grow up and do it, dammit!
For those of you that read this and actually know me... I think there might be like 1 of you out there... you would know that I'm a fan of zombies. Or maybe you don't know and should know! Anyway, I've been getting back into them by watching horrible zombie movies and reading zombie books and everything. Yeah, I'm a big zombie dork. So what! Anyway, I was reading a zombie book and when I put it into a backpack that I own, I found a book called "Zombie Haiku" that I never finished! It's filled with just what it's called: zombie haiku! For example:
Joy! Magic exists!
An old dream of mine came true
and I think it's love.
That above is a Haiku. That's actually the first Haiku of the book. So, at the end of every single blog I do, I'm going to continue the Haiku that goes throughout the book! I know that you don't care, but I'm pretty excited!
I'll be going back to finish some education in January. I still don't know what I'm going to "major" in or focus on, but I'm going back. Since I work full-time, I'm probably going to only take about 2 night classes a semester, but I'm gonna knock it out. I'm going to go ahead and save up some dough to pay off the CLC bill I owe so I can add some credits that I actually have to make it quicker. Yeah me!
For those of you that aren't that special chick that I'm really digging lately, I'm still with her and loving every minute of it. She really is the most awesome chick that I've ever been with. She makes me happy and every moment we're together feels great. HEY YOU, You're great. :)
So, it's the holiday time. What does that mean for me? Nothing. All of my family is down in Texas, so I don't really "do" the holidays. I mean, last year I was dating someone and did the holiday thing with her and her family and it was pretty cool, but it's not a big deal if I do nothing. The one thing I still do and love doing in the holidays is getting gifts for the ones I care about. When I was younger, my family and I didn't have any money. I'd get little small gifts from my friends and other family members, but me and my mom didn't have any money to really spend on each other. Don't get me wrong, she bought me stuff from "Santa", but I wasn't stupid. I knew she probably spent more than she had, so when I could I just stopped her. I didn't want her to go broke for my enjoyment. lol So, one thing that I really try to keep enjoying about the holidays is my ability to buy something... even if it's just a small thing... for the ones that I care about. It makes me happy to know that I can buy these things. I know it must sound weird, but I'm a weird kid, dammit!
Okay, I think I've blogged enough for tonight. I'm sure I'll be back here in no time blogging and blabbering away. Maybe I'll have a topic that can bring in some responses?! Maybe I'll actually get more followers?! Who KNOWS what my future holds! Muwahahahahaha!
Sometimes rain is sad,
but after the time we shared,
rain can't pull me down.
Monday, December 7, 2009
So, maybe I won’t be able to update my blog everyday, but I am going to put some effort into it. Like today for instance. I'm blogging about not being able to blog and how right my special lady was about that. Yeah, I can admit I'm wrong on the very few times that I actually am wrong! :P
Since you are probably the only one reading this, I miss ya baby. I can't wait until we see each other again. I'm dying in anticipation to feel your lips... among other things. ;)
This was a short little blog about not being able to blog. Hell, I might post another blog later on today if I have time! That's two in one day! Does that mean that it excuses me from one of my missed days? It should!