Demotivational Poster of the Day

Demotivational Poster of the Day

Monday, May 10, 2010

Going Native: Tribal Warrior Boot Camp

Bush Adventures
Il Ngwesi Community
Conservancy, KenyaIt's a jungle out there.

Or at least your boss's dark hints about "survival of the fittest" make it feel that way.
So it's probably time to brush up on your spear-throwing skills.

Welcome to Bush Adventures, a two-week crash course in becoming a Maasai warrior, taking reservations now.

You'll be leaving your clothes, your phone and your attachment to indoor plumbing at the edge of camp, and getting a red tribal robe and a new set of survival skills in exchange. First up: weapons training to fend off the ravenous wildlife—including such essentials as how to plant your feet for a spear toss, and how to fling a two-foot throwing club (the orinka) hard enough to drive back a lion. Also: the proper form for scaring off a baboon with nothing but a fist-size rock. (Unless you'd prefer to try to reason with him.)

Once you've mastered the weaponry, you'll be ready for the next test: setting out with a few fellow tribesmen to apply your newfound expertise in the unprotected wilds. You'll summon fire from a pair of sticks, dig your own well for the night's water supply and set hand-built snares to catch your supper. And after you get back, you'll face the final challenge: a dance party in your honor.

The dress code is strictly enforced.

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