Bitch Slap (2009)

When three curvaceous babes, stripper Trixie, business executive Hel, and the feisty ex-con Camero, arrive at a desert hideaway to steal a stash of diamonds from an underworld kingpin, things quickly spiral out of control. Allegiances are switched, truths are revealed, criminals are unmasked and nothing is quite what it seems as the fate of the world is precariously balanced among this trio of sexy femmes fatales.


Check your brain at the door! While it is hard to believe this got passed over at the Oscars, or the Razzies for that matter, it is 1.75 hours of mindless movie. It seems to revel in the fact that it is not at all plausible, believable, or even really well done. I found the flashback expositions hysterical. Let's face it, if you looked at the supporting players, what did you really expect out of this movie? There was just no way this was going to be a deep sociological drama. It is was it is is, a good movie for a Saturday afternoon as you are catching up on other things. PS. pay attention to the credits at the end. If you had any aspirations for the movie, they will be explained.


The Robert Tapert HERCULES/ZENA gang join up in this Grindhouse rip-off, Russ-Meyer wannabe. It's too long for it's own good, but there's enough trash talk and humor to keep it lively. The Lucy Lawless nun bit is worth the price of admission on it's own; and there's a teasing strip to AVE MARIA that just doesn't go all the way. Heavy handed but coozalicious!


Overflowing with girl-on-girl action of all sorts (fights, hair-pulling, blood, romance), guns (big ones) and lots of film noir flashbacks, I ask: What's not to like about buff, bad-girl lesbians who are heavily armed? Nothing, in my book. Now, the 3 lead actresses are all pretty and with bodacious figures (always a plus) -- talent would have been nice but, hey, you can't have everything. A little long, and far too self-conscious (B-movies have to be created by accident to be truly campy and fun -- here, the core idea was to create a B-movie) "Slap" is catnip for the Sapphic set. If only there had been more skin...


***/*****


3/5 Stars