Unseen Horrors

Blind horror film director doesn't know what his film looks like. Yet.

We are geeks. We are the underdogs, the soldiers of impossible causes. We got a Firefly movie made. How's about throwin' a few dimes this blind guy's way so's he can finish his fright flick?

Comic book writer turned horror auteur Joseph Monks is, in his words "100 percent, lights-out blind blind. And I’ve directed a feature film.” Clash Of The Titans. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Transformers 2. Frankly, with all the damage done by sighted directors, what can it hurt to give an unsighted one a try?

Monks lost his sight in 2002 to diabetes. Undaunted, he directed every stage of production and shooting by working closely with his cinematographer. Rough cuts of the low-budget film, The Bunker, which is about a runaway kidnapped by your standard sadistic murderer, have screened at film festivals and horror conventions to shockingly positive reviews.


Now Monks has taken to the online fundraising site Kickstarter to raise the $5,000 he needs to finish his project (right now, he's only got a little over a grand in the kitty). The production was hit by two hurricanes and the composer committed suicide mid-score. Considering those obstacles, having a blind director might be the film’s smallest complication. If only they had let him direct Jonah Hex!

Edges of Darkness (2008)

The undead roam Earth after a global apocalypse in this collection of three films, each following survivors' tales as they battle flesh-eating zombies, vicious vampires and crazed holy men bent on finishing God's judgment. While a girl captured by vampires discovers her own way to fight back, a lonely writer uses a macabre energy source to power his computer, and a survivalist protects a boy who manifests a whole new kind of evil.

Just three little sentences to sum up this film. 1) Terrible acting. 2) Bad scriptwriting. 3) Horrid camera work and even worse editing. With that being said, Edges of Darkness can best be described as if a high schooler with zero talent came across a video camera filmed a bunch of random acts of gory violence & crappy "acting". This film if you can call it that is beyond terrible even for a sub par zombie flick and I've seen some bad ones, but whether bad (this one) or good (Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland or any Romero one) I'll watch it and add it to my collection. The only good thing I can say about this piece of trash is that the special effects weren't half bad for low (and I mean, really LOW) budget. Although, having a plot as deep as the shallow end of a kiddie pool and the worse acting I've ever seen in my life, the premise could have worked. I liked the idea of a zombie apocalypse told through the eyes of survivors from different walks of life. A guy attached to his computer paying no attention to his lady, a vampire couple trying to find a "clean meal" in a world of infected and a tough as nails, bad ass chick fending off the undead in hopes of saving a boy who may not be what he seems. Interesting, yes. Crappy, unfortunately.

Every now & then, you can come across an indie "B" or a "B-" movie and it turns out to be a gem. This ain't it. The concept is cool: the end of the world, with three tales intertwined. The whole story is complete with zombies (good creature make-up), vicious vampires (who's story doesn't make a lot of sense), and a female warrior saving Marcus, a young boy who is the anti-Christ who's sole mission is to save the corrupt world from the wrath of the Lord. Actress Annemarie Pazmino is really the only one who can act. You are not sure if she is a good guy or bad guy, but she has an appeal. The young boy who plays Marcus is not a bad actor, either. The rest of the cast should find new careers. They couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. The story was not woven together or explained all that well, and the writing and directing was choppy. There was no backdrop to the plot. This falls directly on the directors, Blaine Cade and Jason Horton, both of whom wear multiple hats. The camera work was amateurish at best, and more holes in the story line than Swiss Cheese. There is a computer creature that just appears in the mail for one guy, and it just exists within the plot without any explanation. If there was better acting, camera work and better writing, I would have given it 3 stars. I gave it two stars for the creature make-up and for Pazmino. All in all, skip this flick, and watch C-span or the paint dry.


**/*****

2/5 Stars

The Crazies(Code Name: Trixie) (1973)

When a government plane laden with biological weapons crashes in a small Pennsylvania town in this George Romero film, its deadly cargo seeps into the water supply -- and anyone who drinks the water becomes stark, raving mad. David (Will McMillan), a firefighter, and his wife, Judy (Lane Carroll), are two of a very few left unscathed. To save themselves, they and a few others attempt to escape … but for some of them, it may be too late.

I'm really starting to wonder if Romero might be one of the most over-rated horror directors out there. Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead were masterpieces. But I'm also starting to believe it may be a case of lightning striking twice in the same place. I'm not saying this was a bad movie, but it certainly wasn't a classic as is claimed by many. It's above average B horror. The scenes in the detention centers where all the crazies were housed, were just plain silly. Seems like the poison turned everyone into spaced out flower children. There wasnt anything violent or dangerous about them. The acting and dialogue were mediocre at best. Some of the characters were total contradictions of themselves. Behaving one way at first and then behaving in a totally differant way then next, and not because they were infected. Way to uneven and inconstant to be enjoyable. Enjoyed the remake much more.

I am usually not in favor of remakes but it seems to have improved this movie. I may be jaded as I did see the remake first. The story just seems to flow better in the remake. The editing in this one is rough at times.The acting is awful in this but I am sure it is also due to budget as the remake got a larger one as well. Still you have to give credit where credit is due and Romero is the originator.

**/*****

2/5 Stars

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

It's back: The flesh-eating virus that decimated a cabin full of coeds is on the loose again. This time around, a high school prom is ground zero for the epidemic in this horror sequel directed by Ti West. Thanks to a local stream being contaminated during the first outbreak, the bottled water being distributed at the high school dance is causing the unwitting students to break out in ghastly blisters and sores.

The first Cabin Fever was actually really good. But this was just outright awful. It seemed like a Carrie with a disease thrown in the mix. The gore and gross out was forced and laughable. I am a lover of horror and gore but this looked like something a kid would do for a school project. Dont even waste your time with this!

What a dumb pile of shit. Seriously... It starts off alright... the first half hour or so isn't too bad. After awhile the shock factor starts getting way over the top... I thought there was far too much blood and bodily fluid and this is coming from someone who thinks House Of 1000 Corpses is a masterpiece. There was no point to any of this crap. It took a decent idea and stomped/spit on it. It definitely didn't help that the last 10 minutes or so of the movie is animated... seemed like toward the end they realized the movie was a pile and decided to just make a weak cartoon. If you liked the first one do yourself a favor and watch it again instead of watching this. It's not worth it.


**/*****

2/5 Stars

Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D (2010)

In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice (Jovovich), continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety. Her deadly battle with the Umbrella Corporation reaches new heights, but Alice gets some unexpected help from an old friend. A new lead that promises a safe haven from the Undead takes them to Los Angeles, but when they arrive the city is overrun by thousands of Undead - and Alice and her comrades are about to step into a deadly trap.

This movie was good for the most part. It wasn't as action-packed as I imagined it would, and the 3D was a little unecessary. It shared some elements from RE5 (the video game). But other than that, it's quite worth it overall.

I liked it. I enjoyed the previous RE movies (not including the Degeneration cartoon), and I liked Afterlife even more than I liked Extinction. I don't mind that Afterlife "borrowed" from other movies like the Matrix, and as long as the action is good; I dig it. there were a few mistakes in the effects here and there, but overall it did not take away from my enjoyment of the movie. The 3D was not bad, but I would've like Afterlife with or without the 3D. Some scenes had 3D mistakes in it similar to Clash of the Titans, in that things were moving so fast in spots that it was hard to make it out. I'm referring to explosions, shrapnel, and things like that, so I already knew what was happening anyways. The only thing I can really say negative about it, and only slightly, is that for a RE movie it could've used more zombie scenes. I would recommend it to people who have enjoyed the previous RE films. If a person didn't like the previous ones, then they shouldn't see Afterlife. I enjoyed it, and really liked some of the newer zombies that did show up(kind of reminded me of the Reapers or whatever from Blade 2), the Executioner, and especially the "digger" zombies. for hardcore fans, make sure you stay about 20-30 seconds after the credits role to see another quick scene. I'm not really familiar w/ every character, so I'm not sure what that scene was really about(or who it was).

***/*****

3/5 Stars

Date Night (2010)

Who knew simple dinner reservations under a different name could turn one New Jersey couple's date night so terribly upside-down? Claire (Tina Fey) and Phil (Steve Carell) Foster leave their kids with the sitter (Leighton Meester) and head out for a night on the town -- as the Tripplehorns. Shawn Levy (Just Married, Night at the Museum) directs this action-comedy; Mark Wahlberg and James Franco co-star.

The presence of Steve Carrell, Tina Fey and a talented supporting cast allows Date Night to rise from a state of of mediocrity to become a good film in its own right. Carrell and Fey are in top form as married couple Phil and Claire Foster, and their misadventures in the big city thanks to a case of mistaken identity puts them on screen with a variety of good actors giving solid performances. Mark Wahlberg, James Franco, Mila Kunis, Taraji P. Henson, Common and Jimmi Simpson all provide exactly what is needed of them to make the movie funny. The script follows a fairly formulaic path but director Shawn Levy knows for the most part how to keep out of the way of actors and let their comedic performances shine through. The mix of action and comedy is done fairly well and there are more than enough laughs to carry us through the lower-quality portions that dont quite seem to fit. There are better romantic comedies out there but in terms of slapstick-style screwball affairs, Date Night scores as a funny and enjoyable night out at the movies.

Steve Carrell and Tina Fey did an excellent job in this film. As a married couple, they fit together. Both are witty, smart, have a strong sexual attraction and it is easy to envision them in this role. It is labeled as a romantic comedy. That is true but it is a more creative, more energetic version of films in this genre. The characters in the lead role are trying to do something different and get out of their normal routine after they learn good friends are getting a divorce. The evening on the town ends up much different than anticipated as they end up meeting mobsters, crooked cops, contract spies, hookers and crooked politicians. In the process, they also evaluate their relationship and what they have as a couple. There are funny scenes in the film; it is romantic; and it is a film for adults. It moves quickly and will keep your attention. This is one of the better films in this category. Take your date to see it.

I went to this movie with trepidation, even though it had two major stars, from "30 Rock" and "The Office". Too often, films like this fail to deliver relying on lame plot lines, overblown chaos, shoot outs, etc., etc. Well "Date Night" has all of these pitfalls, but with the prodigious talents of Fey and Carrel driving the comedy, the film delivers laugh out loud moments and good entertainment value. The two stars play a married couple, with two kids, and careers, who decide to break their routine and kick back with a trip to Manhattan for an upscale dining experience. The meal in Manhattan begins the mayhem that develops into mistaken identity for the married two. Carrel and Fey are pursued through Manhattan by thugs, (all perfectly cast and who definitely enhance the plot line). James Franco is especially delightful, bringing a laugh out loud moment with his plaintive, "Like I want to spend the rest of my life selling stolen wheelchairs!!!". William Fichtner, as the D.A. Frank Crenshaw is a comical scene stealer with his farcical facial expressions. In the final analysis it is Fey and Carell who make this film better than it would have been by their obvious chemistry and often what seems like improvisations. Fey's quick wit and Carell's dry wit work magic with the script. This film is a fun ride and I recommend it.


****/*****

4/5 Stars

Dead Man Running (2009)

Ex-con Nick (Tamer Hassan) has 24 hours to pay ruthless loan shark Thigo (50 Cent) or else he's dead. To get his hands on as much cash as possible, Nick embarks on a wild adventure full of fights, shoot-outs, heists and other extreme ordeals. Alex De Rakoff directs and English footballers Ashley Cole and Rio Ferdinand executive produce this fast-paced action comedy that also stars Brenda Blethyn as Nick's mother.

Dead Man Running is your average run of the mill british gangster flim with the feel of a Guy Ritchie movie but I am glad I gave it a try. Quite enjoyable don't take it too seriously and you should be entertained. It's well paced, funny in some spots, isn't low budget and has an enjoyable soundtrack. Hassan & Dyer give good performances, Curtis (50 Cent) Jackson gives a passable performance at best, very much a miscast in my opinion and Brenda Blethyn's performance was the best, I really enjoyed her character, very funny.

A bit in the Guy Ritchie mode but not as interesting, intense, or violent. Hard times even fall on gangsters as ex-con Hassan has 24hrs. to produce $100K owed to loan shark 50 Cent or risk losing his mom. A bit zanny as he pursues different means to raise the cash. It will hold your attention.


***/*****

3/5 Stars